Scarlet Card
by CJ Lauren
Summary: They knew Red John was changing the game, but they had no idea what the impact would be. The body count is rising fast, and Jane is slowly cracking. He begins to consider drastic measures, but is there another way? Set post-5x22, Red John's Rules. My take on how this whole thing plays out.
1. New Rules

Lisbon's face paled slightly as she listened to the police officer on the other end of the phone. There was another Red John murder.

"Thank you. We're on our way," Lisbon said once the officer had explained the situation, and hung up. She was not looking forward to telling Jane, for several reasons. First, because it was Red John. Second, because this was the start of the "new rules" Red John had warned them about. And the third reason was because this murder was different. The pattern had changed. She wasn't sure why, but she knew Jane wouldn't take the news well.

Lisbon took a deep breath, and walked over to the couch where her consultant was sleeping peacefully. It was early; nobody else had arrived yet.

"Jane," Lisbon called him, gently tapping his shoulder.

He groaned softly as he returned to consciousness. "Lisbon. What is it?" She hesitated, and Jane saw immediately that something was wrong. "Lisbon?" He asked again, a hint of uncertainty in his tone.

"There's been another Red John murder," Lisbon began. Immediately, she saw the change in Jane. His eyes hardened, and he looked more alert. "A woman came home to find her husband and two year old daughter…" Lisbon trailed off, unwilling to complete the sentence.

Jane closed his eyes. "Where?"

"Santa Monica," Lisbon replied.

Jane paused before opening his eyes again. He was afraid to ask, but he had to know. "Who?"

"The victims' names are Tyler and Kaitlyn Perez. The wife's name is Sara Perez," Lisbon told him, watching his face closely for any sign of recognition.

Jane shook his head. The names were not familiar to him. "We should get going. It's a long drive," was all he said.

After a long pause, Lisbon nodded. "I'll call Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt, and have them meet us there."


	2. An Old Friend

**Chapter 2 – An Old Friend**

The drive to Santa Monica was quiet. Lisbon drove, and Jane spent most of the time staring out the window, running through possible scenarios in his head.

"Jane?" Lisbon broke the silence. "We're a team. Please remember that."

Jane understood the silent meaning. _Don't go off on your own, shutting the team out. Let us help you_. He nodded.

Neither of them spoke again until they pulled up at the house. It was a small bungalow in Midtown Santa Monica, neatly kept. The owners obviously took pride in the house, although there was nothing elaborate. Forensics had finished, and there was just a single police officer awaiting their arrival. He must have seen them arrive, because he exited the house to greet them as soon as they pulled into the driveway.

They exchanged the customary brusque greetings, and the officer brought them inside. "The wife is in the kitchen," he told them. "I'll show you the scene first."

He led them up the stairs, to a closed door. "In here."

Lisbon opened the door. She and Jane spent a couple of minutes silently looking around, but other than the choice of victims, it was a typical Red John crime scene. The girl and her father had been viciously cut up, and blood was everywhere. The scarlet smiley face, evil's calling card, was staring down at them.

The three of them left the room rather quickly; the sight of the dead toddler was more than they could handle. The police officer left after giving them instructions to wait for the coroner, and Jane and Lisbon headed to the kitchen to speak with Sara Perez.

"Mrs. Perez?" Lisbon called softly as they entered the kitchen. She felt Jane immediately tense beside her.

The woman was no older than twenty, with auburn curls and soft brown eyes. She looked up as they approached, and her eyes were rimmed with red. As she studied the two people in front of her, a flash of recognition went through her eyes. "Mr. Jane!"

"Sara," he replied softly. He had recognized her instantly, even though he hadn't seen her in a decade. "I'm so sorry."

"I could never have imagined," the woman told him, fighting tears. "That's what he did to Charlie? And Mrs. Jane?"

Lisbon looked at Jane, confused, but he only nodded wordlessly.

"I didn't know how bad it was," Sara whispered, and then there was an awkward pause. "Do you still drink tea?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on Jane's face. "Yes. Thank you."

"Would you like some too, Agent-?" Sara's voice faltered.

"This is Teresa Lisbon," Jane said, before Lisbon had a chance to reply.

"Agent Lisbon. Would you like some tea?"

"No thank you," Lisbon said. She was definitely confused, but Jane and Sara were both rather shaken, and neither seemed inclined to explain what was going on.

Sara busied herself making tea, and then the three of them sat at the kitchen table. Lisbon noticed that she didn't need to ask Jane how he likes his tea; she already knew.

"How long have you lived out here for?" Jane asked. Although his tone was friendly, Lisbon knew him well enough to hear the sadness underneath.

"Tyler and I moved here six months ago, after we got married. We had been living together with my parents ever since Kaitlyn was born, but then my parents died in a car accident a year ago, and we couldn't keep up the taxes on their house. Tyler got a good job here, working construction, and that's when we got married and moved out here." Sara's voice cracked slightly as she spoke of her family, but she maintained her composure.

"Where did your parents live?" Lisbon asked. Both Jane and Sara looked at her, surprised.

"Malibu," Sara replied, looking at Jane apprehensively.

"Sara and Charlotte were best friends," Jane told Lisbon, voice thick with grief.

"My parents were away a lot for work. Mr. and Mrs. Jane were like my second parents," Sara added. She gave Jane a small smile, which he returned, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

All Lisbon could think of was how guilty Jane must be feeling. This wasn't his fault, but he wasn't going to see it that way.

"Mrs. Perez, I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you to tell us what happened when you came home," Lisbon said gently. She wanted to get the difficult part over with sooner rather than later, for both Jane and Sara.

"Please, call me Sara," she told Lisbon, who nodded.

Sara took a deep breath. "I came home from work, bartending. Tyler and Kaitlyn are usually asleep when I get back. Nothing seemed unusual, until I went upstairs. Kaitlyn's door was shut, we never leave it closed like that. We want to be able to hear if she gets up. So I opened it…" Sara trailed off.

Jane put his hand gently over hers, and she turned and quickly threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as she started to sob.

They sat like that for a while. Jane kept whispering, "I'm so sorry," into Sara's ear, as he absentmindedly rubbed her back. This was entirely his fault. He genuinely cared about Sara, and she had just lost everything because of him. On top of that, the way that she had found her family was eerily similar to the way in which he had found his. Nobody should have to experience something so awful.

After several minutes, Sara pulled away from him. She was still crying, but she looked him right in the eye. "It's not your fault, Mr. Jane."

Jane averted his eyes. "She's right, Jane," Lisbon added, and Sara gave a small smile through her tears. She liked Lisbon already.


	3. We're A Team

**Chapter 3 – We're A Team**

"Nothing. We've got nothing," Rigsby said, frustrated. The team had just spent several hours poring over the evidence that Santa Monica police had gathered from the scene. No physical evidence. Not that they expected any, but it was still maddening that they seemed to be no closer to catching Red John.

"Let's take a break, get something to eat, and then we'll come up with a plan," Lisbon suggested, sounding much more optimistic than she felt. The team just nodded, choosing not to call her on her false hope.

"There's a pub not too far from here, we could give that a shot," Van Pelt proposed. Within minutes, they were gathering into their cars.

Jane had been unusually quiet. He would have preferred to skip dinner entirely, but he knew Lisbon would object and he really didn't feel like arguing. He didn't even say a word as Lisbon slid into the driver's seat, he just sat next to her, silently.

"Jane?" Lisbon asked, as she started the car. "Are you okay?"

Jane closed his eyes for a moment, biting back the snarky reply that was on the tip of his tongue. He really didn't want to piss Lisbon off. He needed her. Besides, she wasn't really asking him if he was okay; she knew the answer to that. She was really asking, _how can I help you?_

"I'd like to go see Sara later tonight. I might stay with her. Or get her a room in the motel we're staying at. She shouldn't be alone in that house." Jane kept his tone conversational, but Lisbon knew it was not up for debate.

"Are you okay, being with her? I mean, is it difficult?" Lisbon wasn't quite sure how to ask, but she had seen the look on Jane's face when they were talking to Sara. The young woman reminded him of Charlotte, painfully so. Of what Charlotte could have been like, if she hadn't been killed.

"I need to make sure she's okay," Jane whispered. This was his responsibility; he needed to make sure Sara was being taken care of.

Lisbon nodded, understanding. "Let me know where you end up spending the night, okay?"

"Sure," Jane agreed.

They arrived at the pub. It was fairly busy, with a lively atmosphere and good food, but the team ate in near silence. Red John cases always took a toll on them, but this was particularly difficult. Not only was it very personal, but also a two-year-old was one of the victims.

After dinner they didn't linger. They returned to the police station, where the local department had given them a room to work out of. The files were just as they had left them.

"So. We need a plan," Rigsby said, thinking aloud.

"Well. Who do we think he's going to kill next?" Jane winced at Cho's blunt question.

"Why didn't he kill Sara? I mean, she's the one you knew, right?" Van Pelt asked cautiously, looking at Jane as she spoke.

"He wanted me to see her suffer," Jane replied quietly. He was sure of that. It was rather poetic, in a sick Red John sort of way. Not for the first time, Jane wondered if it would all stop if he just killed himself. He knew he was being selfish, keeping the game going for the sake of revenge. If he had ended it years ago, Sara's family would still be alive.

There was a moment of silence as the team considered Jane's words. "It's not your fault," Cho told him, in his typical no-nonsense tone. Jane still wasn't in the mood for an argument, so he ignored Cho's platitude.

"We need a long-term plan," Lisbon told the team.

"You're right. We can't just let him keep killing people, waiting for the one time he slips up," Jane's frustration was apparent in his voice. "We could bait him," he mused. "Publicly insult him..."

"Bait a serial killer?" Rigsby raised his eyebrows, not liking the sound of that plan.

"Sure," Jane said. He exchanged a look with Lisbon, both of them remembering James Panzer.

"It's too risky," Lisbon argued. "We have no way of knowing who he would actually kill. We can't protect everyone."

Jane sighed, thinking. He really wished he had kept an eye on Panzer that night, after the talk show. Jane had carefully planned it so that Red John would take care of the SJK; it would have been the perfect way to also trap the man who had killed his family.

"We can't protect everyone. But could we follow seven?" Jane gave Lisbon a meaningful look. The rest of the team knew that Jane had narrowed his list down to a few names, but he had kept the suspects a secret in order to protect them.

"It's too risky. For one, we'd have to bring in outside people, because there's no way the five of us can properly follow everyone on that list. For another, Red John would know what you're doing. We can't follow them all forever, he'd just wait until the opportunity arose," Lisbon reasoned. Jane rested his forehead in his hands; he knew she was right.

After a few moments, Van Pelt broke the silence. "Jane? I know you don't want to tell us the names. But we know a lot of Red John associates. I can pull their records – phone, email, anything – and see if they were ever in contact with any of the people on your list. I mean, it's a long shot, Red John was probably really careful, but at this point, don't you think it's worth a try?"

Jane looked up at Van Pelt, carefully considering her words. He then examined Lisbon's expression; she clearly wanted to give it a try. He nodded reluctantly. They had to do _something_. And at this point, it was the only lead they had.

Jane turned to the other two agents. "Cho, Rigsby…I still don't think you should know. The less people who know, the better. It's not that I don't trust you. But it's safer this way."

Surprisingly, it was Lisbon who objected. "No Jane. We're a team, we're in this together. Enough secrets. It's not your job to protect us, and we need their help."

Jane glared at her, but she didn't back down. Finally, he picked up a piece of paper, writing the seven names down on it. He then handed it to Cho. Cho's eyebrows raised slightly as he read through the names, but he didn't comment.

He then passed the list to Rigsby. "No way!" The taller agent exclaimed. "You're serious?!" He looked up at Jane, as if expecting Jane to tell him it was all a joke.

"Yes, I am serious," Jane assured him.

"Wow. This is insane," Rigsby muttered, before giving the list to Van Pelt.

Her eyes widened, and just as Rigsby had, she instinctively glanced at Jane and Lisbon, looking for confirmation that the list was real. She examined them for a second, then nodded. "Okay. I'll get started on these names right away."

"You know what, it's late, we're all exhausted, let's head over to the motel for the night and start fresh in the morning," Lisbon offered, knowing that her team needed to rest. It wouldn't do them any good to miss important details because they were too tired to focus.

Within minutes, they had packed up their things and were heading towards the cars. "Are you heading over?" Lisbon asked Jane, out of earshot of the others.

"I'll drop you off at the motel first," he told her. "Sara is expecting me."

**I'd just like to mention that it's a HUGE annoyance to me that they never entertained the idea of using Panzer to catch Red John. Jane set it up so he knew exactly where Red John would be and when, and then didn't pursue it. For a guy who's supposed to be ten steps ahead of everyone else, it's sloppy :P**


	4. Memory Box

**Chapter 4 – Memory Box**

"Mr. Jane! Thank you for coming," Sara embraced him as he entered her home.

"Not a problem," Jane replied, returning Sara's hug. "You can call me Patrick, you know."

"Patrick, then," Sara said. "Listen, I don't know if this is totally inappropriate, but I needed to try to take my mind off of things, and so I was going through some old boxes. I found some things that you should have," Sara told him nervously.

"What sort of things?" Jane asked casually, although he had a pretty good idea.

"From Charlie," she said simply.

Jane nodded, not trusting himself with a response.

"Come with me." Sara led Jane into the living room. There was a small red cardboard box on the chestnut coffee table, which she picked up and handed to him. "Don't go through it now. Take your time. There are lots of memories in there. But maybe you shouldn't do it alone. I mean, it's up to you, but it might help if Agent Lisbon is there with you."

Jane smirked slightly at Sara's suggestive tone, but otherwise let it go. "Thank you," he told her sincerely.

"I can't believe this is all happening," Sara admitted, her brave façade beginning to crumble.

Jane pulled Sara onto the couch, holding her tightly. "I know," he murmured. He knew all too well what the young woman was going through.

"Kaitlyn was so little. But she was such a happy kid. Her laugh was the most amazing thing in the world. And now she's gone." Sara was crying now, as Jane held her, and he couldn't help but wish that he could have had the opportunity to know his own daughter as an adult as well, to hold and comfort her in the same way.

"I can't even process it. Like, my brain just refuses to accept it. It's too much," Sara sobbed.

"I know," Jane whispered again.

"How did you do it?" Sara asked, a hint of desperation colouring her voice.

Jane closed his eyes. He had been expecting this question, but he wasn't sure how to go about answering it. He replied cautiously, carefully considering each word before he spoke. "I'm not sure. I didn't. I had a breakdown, actually. I spent about six months in a hospital. My doctor helped, a lot, but when I left, I was still a mess. And then I met Lisbon. And suddenly, suddenly I wasn't alone anymore, although it took me a while to realize it. She saved me. She gave me a job, a purpose in life that wasn't entirely about Red John, she gave me friendship, and she gave me my life back."

Jane looked down at Sara to see her reaction. He wasn't really comfortable sharing such personal memories with her, but she needed to know, and rather than judging him, she seemed to be seriously contemplating what he had said.

"Is that where you went, when you disappeared? The hospital?" Sara asked. She remembered how her family had tried to stay in touch with Jane, and how six months after they died, he just vanished. It was as if he had dropped off the face of the earth.

"Yes," Jane nodded. "And then right after I left the hospital, I went to Sacramento. Got a motel room, went to CBI a few days later, trying to gain access to the Red John files. The team was working on a case, I helped them solve it, and they asked me to stay."

"What do you think you would have done, if they hadn't?"

"I don't know. I probably would have gone completely crazy by now," Jane confessed.

"My aunt and uncle in New York want me to come stay with them after the funeral. I'll probably go, because I don't want to be alone. But I don't have anything like what CBI is for you. I don't have a purpose. Tyler and Kaitlyn were my whole world." This set off another round of tears, and Jane just held her until they passed.

"You will find a purpose. Probably where you least expect it," Jane told her. "Just hang in there. And you have my number; you can call me whenever you want, okay? I'll be there."

Sara nodded. "Thanks."

"Listen, about tonight, I will stay here with you if want, or I can get you a room in the motel we're staying at. But you won't be alone," Jane promised.

"Thank you. I think I'd rather stay in the motel. I don't know if I'll sleep either way, but I don't think I should spend any more time in Kaitlyn's room. I was there for hours this afternoon, I just couldn't bring myself to leave. I don't think it's healthy."

Jane smiled at Sara's strength. "I know what you mean. It's probably not healthy, but I think it's normal. We'll go to the motel, and Kaitlyn's room will still be there in the morning, if you want to spend some time there tomorrow," he said. He understood what she meant; he kept the house in Malibu for the same reason. "Come on, let's head over."


	5. Dusk

**Chapter 5 – Dusk **

Jane entered his motel room. It was sparse, with just a queen-sized bed, chair, desk, TV and bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and rested his head in his hands, emotionally exhausted. At least Sara was just down the hall, safe for tonight, and Lisbon was next door. _Lisbon! I was supposed to let her know where I'd be spending the night_, he realized. Normally Jane would resent having to report his whereabouts like a child, but he knew that with Red John, anything could happen. He sent a brief text to Lisbon. _I'm back at the motel. Sara is in room 315_.

Within a minute, there was a knock on his door. He opened it to find Lisbon standing there. He smiled softly, and let her inside.

"How did it go?" Lisbon asked.

"She's upset, and confused, but she's still kind of in shock. I don't think she's really fully processed it yet. It will take time." Jane's voice was flat; he was trying very hard not to remember how he had felt, that first night after his family was killed.

Lisbon nodded. She could tell Jane wasn't particularly eager to talk about what Sara was going through. "What's in the box?" she asked, changing the subject as she noticed the red box sitting on the floor.

"Sara gave me some stuff. From Charlie."

"Like what?" Lisbon asked gently, trying to draw him out.

"I haven't looked yet," he told her. "Not now."

Lisbon nodded her understanding. "That's fine. It's been a rough day. There's no need to make it harder."

Jane didn't respond. Lisbon took a moment to study his disheveled appearance. He looked so lost and tired, and his anguish was tangible.

"Hey," Lisbon said softly, waiting for Jane to look at her before blurting out, "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

Surprise registered on both Lisbon's and Jane's faces, but Lisbon didn't take back the offer. Jane hadn't realized it, but he really didn't want to be alone. Lisbon was just what he needed. He nodded. "Thank you."

Lisbon smiled, both grateful and concerned that he hadn't fought her suggestion.

"I'm just going to go get a shirt to change into, okay? I'll be right back."

Jane nodded. "Sure."

Before he knew it, Lisbon had returned with her bag, and changed into an oversized t-shirt and shorts. She emerged from the bathroom to find Jane lying on the bed, still in the clothes he had been wearing all day.

"Don't you have anything other than that suit?" Lisbon asked, already expecting his answer.

"No," Jane frowned.

"Okay here, I have an extra t-shirt, it should fit you," she said, tossing him a second oversized shirt from her bag, that looked like it had once belonged to one of her brothers. "I can't really help you with pants, though," she teased.

"It's fine. Thanks." Jane didn't bother leaving the bed; he just tossed his vest and shirt onto the floor and pulled the t-shirt on, giving Lisbon a brief glimpse of his well-defined muscles.

In other circumstances, perhaps Lisbon would have commented, playfully flirting as they so often did. Perhaps the two of them sharing a bed would have a very different meaning. But after everything that had happened, none of that seemed to matter. Lisbon was much more worried about her consultant's unusually quiet and agreeable behaviour.

"You know I'm here if you want to talk, right? Or if you need anything?" Lisbon asked, as she climbed into the bed next to him.

He turned to look at her. She was serious, and her concern for him was written all over her face. "I know. Thanks."

His response seemed placating, and it didn't make Lisbon feel any better, but she decided not to push it. "Okay. Good night," she said, turning off the light.

"Night," Jane responded. "And thank you for staying," he whispered, after a brief pause.

"You're welcome," Lisbon responded, smiling. She cared deeply for Jane, perhaps even loved him. She would do anything to help him, but it was more difficult getting him to let her. Despite her concern, she really was glad that he had let her in, even if only a little bit.


	6. Nightmare

**Chapter 6 - Nightmare**

Lisbon had fallen asleep quickly, exhausted from the day's events, but it took Jane a few hours before his mind slowed enough to allow him to drift off. He hadn't been asleep for long when a nightmare overtook him.

_Jane walked through the door, and nearly tripped on a pink tricycle. He carefully moved it out of the way, before heading upstairs, hoping Angela was still awake. _

_There was a note on the door, and the words made his stomach twist into a million knots. He opened the door, and the first thing he saw was the large red smiley face. Then the mutilated bodies of Tyler and Kaitlyn came into view. Jane could hear Sara sobbing, yelling at him that it was all his fault. He had killed her best friend and now her family. _

_Suddenly, Tyler and Kaitlyn morphed into Angela and Charlotte, cut open and covered in blood. So much blood. Jane collapsed at the sight, unable to hold up his own weight_,_ and a primal scream erupted from his throat, which quickly turned into a sob. _

_He heard his wife whispering his name. "Angela? Angela!" he screamed desperately, but her body remained still. He could still hear her though, as she said his name. _

_"Jane!" She called. But why was she using his surname?_

"Jane! Jane, wake up," Lisbon shook his shoulder. Jane's whole body was shaking. He was covered in cold sweat and screaming for his wife. There were tears running down his cheeks. "Jane, please wake up," she begged, shaking his shoulder again.

Suddenly his eyes flew open, and Lisbon watched as they slowly focused on her face, filled with confusion and fear. "Shhhh it's okay. It was a dream. A nightmare. You're okay," she whispered, pulling him into a hug as he wept. "It wasn't real," she tried to comfort him.

"It was real," Jane gasped in between sobs. "They're dead. My fault."

"It was never your fault," Lisbon told him, quietly but forcefully.

Jane just shook his head. Lisbon noticed that he was trying desperately to fight the tears, to bury the pain.

"Shhhh it's okay. Just let yourself cry, get it out. You're not alone. You're safe here. Don't fight it, okay?" She pulled him closer and rubbed his back gently. He wrapped his arms around her, holding on to her tightly. "You need to let yourself get this out. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving," she assured him.

Jane tried to focus on Lisbon's words, rather than images from his nightmare. He felt so alone, just as he had that awful night so many years ago. But she promised that she would stay, and so he finally gave in. The tears wouldn't stop, and he felt his lips and fingers start to tingle; he was crying so hard that he wasn't really able to breathe.

Neither of them had any idea how much time passed before Jane's sobs subsided and he began to breathe somewhat normally again.

"Do you want something to drink?" Lisbon asked gently.

Jane nodded. "Just some water."

Lisbon unwrapped her arms from around his torso as she stood, and Jane immediately felt cold. He had to remind himself that she was just a few feet away, getting him some water. She wasn't leaving. She'd be back. Still, his breathing quickened, and didn't slow down again until Lisbon had returned.

"Thank you," Jane said. "And not just for the water," he added, his voice barely a whisper. Granted, this wasn't as bad as the breakdown that had landed him in the hospital, but he was still ashamed.

Lisbon didn't miss the reddening of his cheeks. "Don't be embarrassed," she assured him. "You needed that. And I'm glad you weren't alone."

Jane nodded wordlessly. She was right; he did need it. _But, I didn't deserve it._

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lisbon asked tentatively.

Jane shook his head. He wanted her to know, but he didn't feel strong enough to describe his nightmare to her without breaking down again. "We should sleep," he said instead.

"Will you be able to sleep?" Lisbon was skeptic.

"I think so," Jane lied. He didn't think he would, but he knew Lisbon wouldn't sleep if she thought he needed her.

"Okay." Lisbon still seemed doubtful. "I'm not going anywhere," she added, wanting to give him some measure of comfort.

Jane gave her a small smile as he laid back down on the bed. Lisbon turned off the light and followed suit, but she positioned her body so that it was touching his, and kept her arm protectively around his chest. The warm gesture calmed him, and allowed his heart rate to return to normal.

Lisbon fell back asleep within minutes; she was obviously exhausted. Jane forced himself to focus on Lisbon's breathing. It was slow and rhythmic and predictable, and most of all, it reminded him that she was still there. He allowed the gentle sound of each breath to fill his mind, pushing out all thoughts of Red John and his family, and controlled his breathing to match hers. With his mind clear, he was eventually able to fall back asleep. This time, there were no nightmares to torment him.


	7. The Next Victim

**Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/followed/favourited! I am glad you are enjoying the story. I'm uploading faster than I would have expected - I like to wait until I'm about ten chapters into a story with a good plan as to how the rest will go before I upload, so that I can stay ahead of what's posted and hopefully form a coherent story. But right now, I'm on chapter 23 of this one, so I can afford to be a bit quicker with the updates without risking messing up the story :) Let me know what you think!  
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**Chapter 7 – The Next Victim**

Morning came quickly. Jane woke up before Lisbon. He found solace in the fact that she hadn't moved all night; her arm was still wrapped around him, holding him close. He gently slid out of the bed and pulled the covers up over Lisbon's shoulders to ensure she didn't miss the warmth of his body. Their alarm was set to go off in fifteen minutes, so he made a pot of coffee, figuring the smell of caffeine was much more pleasant to wake up to.

As the coffee began to percolate, Lisbon slowly regained consciousness.

"Good morning," Jane said lightly.

"Morning, yourself. Did you sleep?" Lisbon yawned.

"Yes, I did. Thank you, Teresa," he replied warmly, as he poured her a cup of coffee.

She grinned sleepily as she accepted the hot beverage. "I'm glad to hear it."

Jane returned her smile. He really was feeling better, but there was still a weight on his chest. He had a feeling that the weight wouldn't disappear until Red John was dead.

"We better get going. I want to drop Sara off before we head back to the station," Jane said as he quickly changed back into his dress shirt and vest.

Lisbon nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later fully dressed.

Jane left to go get Sara while Lisbon finished her coffee. Sara opened her door, dressed in the same clothes as yesterday, with dark bags under her eyes. It was clear she hadn't slept at all.

Jane pulled the young woman into a brief hug. "How was your night?"

"Couldn't sleep. The silence is going to take some getting used to."

Jane nodded. "Yes, it will. I don't know if you'll ever really get used to it, but it becomes less isolating after a while."

"I hope so," she sighed.

"Would you like me to take you back to your place? Lisbon and I can drop you off on our way to the police station."

"Yes, thank you. Patrick, will you be here tonight too?" Sara undoubtedly meant for the question to sound innocuous, but there was no mistaking the fear in her words.

"I think we'll be here for at least one more night," Jane assured her.

"Okay. I think I'll leave my things here then," Sara said, clearly relieved.

"Sounds good," Jane replied. He wanted to make things as easy as possible for her. "Will you be okay today?"

Sara hesitated, and then nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I should start making arrangements and everything. I'll have plenty to keep me busy."

Jane didn't miss her reluctance. "You call me if you need anything, okay? You have my number. You can use it any time."

"I know." Sara gave him a small smile. "I wish the circumstances were different, but I'm really glad you're here. You guys were like family to me. I missed you after they died."

Jane felt a stab of guilt. Even before he was hospitalized, he had pushed Sara and her family away. They reminded him too much of what he had lost. "I'm sorry," he apologized.

Sara shook her head. "I didn't understand then. I was just a kid, and I really only knew what _I_ had lost. As I got older, I thought I understood more. How hard it must have been for you. But now…I mean, Kaitlyn didn't really have friends like that. She was so little. But I get it. You shouldn't be sorry."

"I am sorry, though. For everything."

"It's not your fault Red John killed them. You know that, right?"

Jane sighed. "It's okay to be angry, Sara."

"I _am_ angry. I'm angry at the person who killed my family, and yours. You are not that person."

Jane could tell Sara was sincere, but he didn't understand how she could be so forgiving. He squeezed her hand, trying to communicate in that gesture what he couldn't put into words. She smiled back at him.

Down the hall, Lisbon stepped out of Jane's room. "You guys ready?"

"Yeah, we're coming," Jane called back.

The three of them headed down to the lobby, where Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt were waiting with breakfast. Jane, Lisbon and Sara each grabbed a bagel, and they all headed out.

* * *

"Okay, Van Pelt, I want you running down the names on that list. Keep everything as discreet as possible," Lisbon ordered. Grace nodded and got to work immediately. "The rest of us, well, we need ideas."

"Okay, so we're not baiting him," Rigsby said, thinking out loud.

"Maybe not with a person. But if we let him think there's some piece of evidence we found? A mistake he made? And set him up when he goes to take care of it?" Lisbon suggested.

Jane shook his head before Lisbon finished speaking. "He'd send one of his minions, he wouldn't take care of it himself. And that still could end with someone dying." Rigsby had gotten hopeful when Lisbon started talking, and visibly deflated when Jane shot down her idea. They grew still as they racked their brains for any ideas.

The silence was interrupted by Jane's phone ringing. "Hello," he said as he picked it up. As he listened, his face froze, and his eyes became dark. The rest of the team didn't need to be mentalists to realize that Jane was receiving bad news. "We'll be there, okay? We're about 45 minutes out." His voice sounded strange. He clearly meant for it to be comforting to the person on the other end, but it didn't quite sound that way. After listening for a few more seconds, he hung up, staring off into space. Grace stopped typing and looked up, watching Jane carefully.

"Jane? What is it?" Lisbon asked gently, fearing what his answer would be.

Jane slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. "That was Pete," he said slowly, as if he couldn't quite believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. "Red John killed Sam."

"Oh God, Jane," Lisbon whispered, stunned.

"Who's Sam?" Cho asked, a trace of sympathy in his normally unaffected tone.

"Family friend. From the carnival." Jane's voice was hollow. "We grew up together. She was Angela's best friend."

Grace stood up and walked over to Jane, putting her hands on his arms. "We're gonna get him," she promised. There was a hard edge to her words that caught Jane's attention, and he nodded, even though he wasn't sure he believed her.

"Okay, Van Pelt I want you to stay here and keep running those names. Rigsby, stay with her and help out." Lisbon paused and looked at Jane uncertainly.

"I appreciate the thought, but I have to come, Lisbon," Jane said softly, reading her mind. "Not just because it's Red John. You know how much Pete trusts the police."

Lisbon nodded. She knew he was right, but she didn't like it. "All right, lets go."


	8. She Fought

**Chapter 8 – She Fought**

Cho, Lisbon and Jane took one car, leaving the other for Rigsby and Van Pelt in case one of them needed to go out somewhere. The car ride was very quiet. Cho was never one for making small talk, and Jane was lost in thought. Lisbon just focused on driving.

As they arrived at the trailer park, Jane sat up straight as he assessed their surroundings. There were people standing around in small groups, whispering and watching them as they parked the car. They were relatively spread out, but definitely gathered around a single trailer. As the three of them made their way over, Jane saw Pete sitting on a stool in front of the trailer, cradling his head in his hands.

Pete didn't acknowledge them as they approached, so Jane stepped forward and knelt down in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Pete looked up, startled. He wasn't crying, but it was obvious that he had been. "Paddy," he said in a scratchy voice.

"Hey, Pete." Jane embraced his friend tightly, pulling him to his feet. "I'm so sorry," Jane whispered in his ear.

"I know." Patrick didn't miss the edge to Pete's voice. _So, he does blame me_. "What happens now?" Pete asked, trying to sound indifferent but failing miserably.

"Now, we are going to take a look around, and we're going to have to call this in. We wanted to wait, to make sure we were the first ones here, and make sure we were with you when all of this is happening. But we do need to call it in, and then forensics is going to come, and they're going to spend a long time looking around and gathering evidence and taking pictures. We're going to need to talk to you, and take your statement. We'll also need to talk to anyone who may have been around when Sam…when he came." Jane paused, giving Pete an opportunity to ask questions.

"So, these pictures. They'll be taking pictures of…of her?" Pete obviously didn't like that idea.

"Yes," Jane nodded. "And of any evidence they find."

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"No. I'm sorry, Pete," Jane said gently.

Pete ignored Jane's apology. "And when forensics are done?"

Jane sighed. "The coroner will take her. He'll do an autopsy, a thorough examination to see if Red John left any evidence on her. Then he'll release her, and it's up to you what happens from there."

Pete nodded, resigned. "Who's that with Teresa?" He asked, looking in Cho's direction.

Jane put a hand on Pete's elbow and guided him towards where Lisbon and Cho had been waiting. "Pete, this is my friend Cho."

"Hi Cho," Pete said, eyeing him warily as they shook hands. Cho nodded once in response.

"Teresa," Pete said by way of greeting, as he turned to face her.

"Hi Pete," Lisbon responded softly. "Is it okay if we go inside?" She was asking as a courtesy, and Pete knew it. He gestured for her to enter.

"I'll call it in," Cho said, his first words since they had arrived. Lisbon nodded, and turned to go inside, but Jane didn't move.

"Pete, I need you to wait outside," Jane told him. Immediately, Pete opened his mouth to protest but Jane cut him off. "You can't be in there when we're doing this, and believe me when I say that you don't want to be. We won't touch her, I promise you that we will treat her with respect. You know we will, you can trust me. But you can't be in there with us."

Pete narrowed his eyes angrily, but he nodded and reluctantly returned to sitting on his stool. Lisbon and Jane entered the trailer, while Cho made the call.

The first thing they saw upon entering the trailer was Red John's signature smiley face, in Sam's blood. She was lying on the bed, which was covered in blood. Her skin was pale, and her eyes were wide open and glassed over. The slashes all over her body matched Red John's typical cutting pattern.

Jane let out a slow, shaky breath as he took in the scene. Lisbon shot him a concerned look. After what had happened the previous night, she was quite worried about the effect Red John's new rules were having on him, and she too had noticed that Pete seemed to blame Jane.

"She fought him. This lamp, and these pictures have been knocked over," Jane mumbled, mostly to himself.

Lisbon wanted to say something, to comfort him, but she didn't know what. Nothing she could say would make it better.

* * *

"Rigsby, Van Pelt. Tell me you have something," Lisbon ordered, as she, Jane and Cho returned to the police station.

"Sorry, boss," Van Pelt says, shaking her head. "It's more complicated than I expected. Do you have any idea how many people Bertram has been in contact with? Given his job though, it could all be innocent, so we need to sort through it pretty carefully, and I'm trying to focus more on people he wouldn't have come into contact with through work. We're still looking, though. Did you guys find anything?"

Lisbon sighed. "Either nobody saw anything or nobody wanted to _admit_ to seeing anything. Pete is understandably devastated. Sam's body is downstairs with the coroner; they've scheduled the autopsy for tomorrow."

Lisbon paused for a moment, and then continued. "Cho, Rigsby, I want you guys going through evidence from both scenes. Look for anything at all that might be able to help us find out who this guy is. Van Pelt, keep working the connections angle."

The team got straight to work.


	9. Family

**This chapter is mostly fluff - a bit of calm before the storm, so to speak. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it as well! Even though it's fluff, it's still important to the overall story ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – Family **

Jane took a deep breath, and knocked on Sara's door. After a few moments, she opened it. He took in her haggard appearance; her auburn curls were a mess, and she was still wearing the same clothes that she was wearing the previous day. She looked exhausted. Jane could hear music softly playing. _To block out the silence_, he realized.

"Hi guys," she said, as she opened the door and stood aside to allow Jane and Lisbon in.

"How have you been?" Lisbon asked. Jane could tell that she too had noticed Sara's haphazard look.

"There's so much to do. My aunt and uncle are flying out from New York tomorrow afternoon to help out, but I spoke with the funeral home, and they suggested I make a slide show or collage of photos or something. So I've just been going through these, trying to pick some." She gestured towards a pile of photos on the coffee table. Jane narrowed his eyes a bit, trying to read her. He knew that she had probably been lost in those photos for the better part of the afternoon.

"That's a really nice one," Jane told her, pointing to a family photo showing Tyler, Sara and Kaitlyn laughing hysterically. It looked like they were at a picnic.

Sara picked it up, smiling sadly. "Yeah, that was taken a few months ago. Tyler had gone to go get some water from the car. As he came back, he snuck up behind Kaitlyn and I, and tickled us both. We shrieked pretty loudly, drew lots of attention to ourselves, and when we realized it was Tyler we couldn't stop laughing. There was a photographer nearby, I think he was just taking pictures of the park, but he took a picture of us laughing and then came over and showed it to us, asking for an email address so he could send it over. It was so nice of him. He said that it was such a beautiful picture that he just couldn't resist capturing it."

Jane and Lisbon exchanged glances. Maybe they were overly jaded because of their line of work, but that sounded creepy, even if it was truly a beautiful photo.

"Do you know the name of the photographer?" Lisbon asked casually.

"Umm, yeah, it was some Italian name?" Sara said, as she searched her memory. "I don't remember, but after he emailed us the photo we googled him, and he had a website with tons of photos from around California. Nature, mostly. "

Lisbon and Jane weren't quite satisfied, but let it go for the time being.

Sara scanned her living room as if looking for something, and then sighed. "I think I have everything I need," she told them. She moved to turn off the CD player when the song switched. The opening guitar from Uncle Kracker's "Follow Me" filled the room, and Sara's hand froze mid-air.

"I'm sorry," she said, glancing nervously at Jane. His expression was unreadable.

"No, it's okay. It's been a while since I've heard this song," he told her quietly.

Sara smiled. "Oh yeah? I bet you still know all the words." Her tone was light, teasing, but with a hint of nervousness.

A ghost of a smile played on Jane's lips. "Forwards, backwards and upside-down," he confirmed, earning a childish giggle from Sara as they both recalled the phrase Charlotte had used so often.

Watching her laugh, Lisbon realized just how young Sara was. At eighteen, she was barely an adult.

"This was Charlotte's favourite song," Jane explained, turning to Lisbon.

Lisbon grinned. "It's a good song."

"Yeah, until you hear it twenty times a day," Jane muttered, but there was still a small smile on his lips.

Sara giggled again. "He's not kidding," she told Lisbon.

Lisbon glanced over at Jane. She knew he'd listen to the song non-stop for the rest of his life if it meant he could have his daughter back.

Sara picked up her bag, but left the song playing. They waited for it to finish before heading back to the motel.

* * *

Jane, Lisbon and Sara stopped outside of room 315, and Sara turned to say goodnight. "Where are your aunt and uncle meeting you tomorrow?" Jane asked her.

"At the house, I think, but I can have them meet me here if that's easier?"

"No no, the house is fine. We'll be by in the morning to pick you up, okay?" Jane gave her a warm smile, and Lisbon marveled at how good he was with Sara. As difficult as it must be, the presence of his daughter's best friend also appeared to comfort him.

"Thank you so much. You too, Agent Lisbon," Sara told them.

Lisbon smiled. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"

Sara broke eye contact for a second, but nodded.

"We're right down the hall if you need anything, Sara. Do you want me to come in with you for a bit?" Jane offered.

Sara shook her head. "I'm just going to try and sleep. I'm so tired."

She reached over and hugged him fiercely, catching him off-guard, but he quickly recovered and hugged her back. "Thank you so much for being here, Patrick," she told him sincerely, pulling back so that she could look at him clearly. "I'm really glad you came back into my life. We need to stay in touch, okay? Even after I go to New York."

Jane pulled her back into a hug. "We will. I promise."

* * *

Jane sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Lisbon noticed that the spark he'd had when they were with Sara was gone, and he looked utterly miserable. She sat next to him. "Hey. Sara's really lucky to have you. You're so good with her."

Jane looked as if he was about to cry, but when he spoke, his voice was steady. "I love Sara. I do. She's grown up into an amazing person." He sighed. "But, I miss Charlotte so much. After her and Angela died, Sara's family tried to stay close, but I just kept looking at Sara and wondering why she was alive when Charlotte was not," he confessed, staring at the bedspread rather than risk seeing the judgment in Lisbon's eyes. "Having her around now, it almost makes me feel like a father again," he muttered.

Lisbon put her hand over his. "You're a great father."

Jane scoffed. "I failed both of them."

"No, you didn't," Lisbon began, but Jane cut her off.

"Please don't, Lisbon. Not now." She fell silent, and waited for Jane to say something.

"When Red John said he'd be killing often, I didn't realize that he meant daily. And he's going after people connected to me. I'm the key," he said forlornly.

"We're gonna get him," Lisbon promised, echoing Van Pelt's words from earlier that day. "We won't stop until we do. If he's killing this often, he'll _have_ to make a mistake at some point."

"Yeah, and how many people will die before that happens, Lisbon? How many days will it take for us to catch him?" Jane took a deep breath. He hadn't meant to sound angry. "I'm sorry," he told her, in a much softer voice. "I…I am just…" he sighed, trying to find the words.

"I'm scared," he finally admitted. "He's going after people close to me. Lisbon, you need to be careful. I wouldn't survive it if anything happened to you. Do you understand that?" The shocked look in her eyes saddens him. _Does she really not have any idea how much she means to me? _Truth be told, he was barely hanging on as it was. Right now, she and Sara were the only ones keeping him going.

"I'm going to stay here tonight," Lisbon told him. It wasn't a question. She was shocked at how scared Jane truly was, and the fact that he admitted it was even more worrying. "I'll be right here, so that you know I'm safe," _And so that I know you're safe_, Lisbon silently added. "You need to sleep if we're going to catch Red John," she finished lamely.

Jane nodded silently, but didn't let on how grateful he was that she had decided to stay. The two of them repeated their routine from the night before, and settled into bed. Jane put his arm around Lisbon's waist, and Lisbon put her arm over his. They both needed that, a physical reminder that they were not alone.


	10. He Killed Her

**Chapter 10 – He Killed Her **

Morning came quickly. To his surprise, Jane had actually slept. He woke up a few times throughout the night, but not because of nightmares. He reasoned that his body simply wasn't accustomed to sleeping for long periods of time. He and Lisbon quickly got ready for the long day ahead. They were both on edge, waiting for Lisbon's cell phone to ring, signaling that Red John had killed again.

Jane was rather distracted as he knocked on Sara's door. He wanted to hurry, to get back to Lisbon so that he was there when she got the call. When a minute passed and Sara hadn't opened the door, he knocked again. From behind him, he heard Lisbon come out of their room and lock the door behind her. She walked down the hall to Jane as he knocked a third time.

"Something's wrong," Jane told her. Lisbon had a bad feeling about this too, and she could see how nervous he was. She prayed that they were both just overreacting.

"I have the extra key," Jane said hesitantly, looking to Lisbon to see if he was being overly paranoid.

She simply nodded, and so he unlocked the door, closing his eyes as he twisted the handle. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes as he pushed the door open.

* * *

The red smiley face is the first thing Jane sees.

Sara's mutilated body is the second.

The door is barely open, and Lisbon can't see inside, but she watches Jane begin to sway on his feet, and knows what has happened. She puts her arm around his waist to steady him.

He lets out a strangled cry. "Sara!" The agony infused in that one word makes Lisbon's stomach twist into knots.

"Jane, come on, lets go outside," she says soothingly. She tries to guide him back into the hallway, to allow him time to breathe, but he refuses to move. So, she pushes the door open further and sits Jane down on the floor, letting him lean against the wall.

Lisbon surveys the scene quickly as she stands back up. She pulls out her gun and checks the bathroom and closet. Nobody is there, so she then proceeds to check Sara for a pulse. There is none, and her body is cool to the touch.

The senior agent picks up her phone and hits a button. "Cho. I need you and Rigsby and Van Pelt to come to room 315." Her voice is calm, but there is a slight tremor that betrays her true feelings. He doesn't ask questions, just confirms that the team is on their way.

Lisbon returns her attention to her consultant. He is in shock. She kneels down in front of him, and sees that his eyes are unfocused. "Jane? Jane, can you look at me?" She keeps her tone soft and relaxed, like he does when he is hypnotizing someone. "Jane? I'm right here. Do you see that?"

Slowly, his eyes centre on hers. "Lisbon," he whispers. "He killed her. He killed Sara."

Lisbon is silently relieved that he is aware of what is going on, that he hasn't totally lost his mind, but seeing him so upset breaks her heart.

Noises in the hallway alert her that the team has arrived. The door is still slightly ajar, so they enter quickly, but stop suddenly when they realize what has happened. While Cho and Rigsby focus on Sara's body, Grace kneels down next to Lisbon, and takes Jane's hand.

"You don't need to be here," Grace tells him gently.

"Yes, I do," he mumbles. He owes it to Sara to stay. Lisbon sighs; she understands why he wants to be there but still doesn't think it's a good idea.

"Why would he have left Sara alive before, only to kill her two days later? I mean, if he wanted to, he could have waited until she got home and killed all of them," Rigsby asks, earning him a stern look from Van Pelt.

"He wanted me to spend time with Sara before he killed her. Wanted me to get attached," Jane mutters.

The disgusted expressions on his friends' faces speak volumes, but they don't respond. There's nothing they can do to make this less painful for him.

Lisbon stands and takes charge. "Cho, call this in. We need forensics in here; if he left anything at all behind, we need to find it. Rigsby, I want you to go talk to the owner and see what they have in the way of security footage."

While Lisbon is speaking, Grace shifts her body so that she is sitting next to Jane. She never lets go of his hand.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! Reviews make my day. Also, I did something a bit different in this chapter, switching the tense from past to present part-way through. I've never done anything like that before (usually when I switch tenses it's unintentional lol), so if you could let me know how it worked that would be great! If it confused things, or worked well, or even if you didn't notice at all :P I've got the rest of the story written in present tense, but I'm not sure it'll stay that way - but if the switches are too annoying, then I probably will. Thanks so much :)**


	11. Alone

**Chapter 11 – Alone **

It's quiet as they sit around the table at the Santa Monica Police Department. The only sounds come from the occasional rustling of papers, and Van Pelt's fast typing.

Jane is staring off into space; his eyes are glassed over, and Lisbon keeps glancing at him worriedly. He had completely shut down after Rigsby informed them that Red John had managed to circumvent all of the security cameras at the motel.

"Oh my God!" Grace exclaims suddenly, breaking the silence.

"What is it?" Rigsby demands.

Jane turns to look at her, but his expression is still blank.

"There are emails here between Haffner and Timothy Carter! It looks like they're in some sort of code, because the way they talk it sounds like Carter was a confidential informant for Haffner. There are also emails to Rebecca Anderson…and to Craig. Those could be innocent though, it looks all work-related, but it could also be a code for something. The timing fits. There's even a few emails to Jason Lennon, regarding a woman he wants to refer to the shelter," Grace says, unable to hide her excitement as a tiny flicker of life returns to Jane's eyes, although it vanishes as quickly as it appeared.

Jane sighs. He knows it's all circumstantial, and he's been disappointed far too many times to hold out much hope. _It is probably best for everyone if I just end it. Now. Before any more people die. It's just selfish, waiting to see if Grace's plan works out_.

"Okay, I want the three of you to go through all of Red John's known accomplices and try to tie them to Haffner in any way you can. We'll work on the code once we have all of that," Lisbon says, and then pauses, glancing over at Jane. "Jane and I are going to go talk to the coroner."

Ideally, Lisbon would not want Jane to come, but she knows that he would insist anyways, and there is no point in fighting him while he is already dealing with so much. _He needs support; he needs his friends. He doesn't need to feel any more alone than he already does_.

* * *

Jane and Lisbon enter the morgue just as the coroner is pulling a sheet over Sam's body. He looks up as they enter.

"Dr. Reid, what can you tell us?" Lisbon asks, immediately getting down to business.

"She died from exsanguination, likely over several minutes. There were several shallow cuts that would have caused pain but not death, and then three deeper ones that caused massive blood loss. Those are the ones that killed her. There was no physical evidence on her body. The pattern of cuts is identical to Tyler Perez's injuries," Dr. Reid rattles off.

"Matches Red John's MO," Jane mumbles. "What about Kaitlyn?"

"Kaitlyn Perez didn't have any of the shallow cuts that I mentioned earlier. There were only three deeper cuts. They would have caused a relatively quick death."

"How quick?" Jane asks, fixing the man with an intense stare.

Dr. Reid blinks, unnerved. "A minute before she lost consciousness, maybe another minute before she bled out."

"A minute is a long time when you're in that much pain, wouldn't you say, Doctor?" Jane bitterly asks.

"Err. Yes. It is. I didn't mean to say that she had a pleasant death. I just said that it was relatively quick. I was comparing her death to that of the other victims. They were tortured before dying."

"Thank you, Doctor," Lisbon cuts in, wanting to stop this conversation from going any further.

Dr. Reid nods in acknowledgment. "Sara Perez's autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow. I'll be sure to let you know what I find," he says, giving Jane one last glance.

"Can I see them?" Jane asks suddenly.

Dr. Reid looks at Lisbon for approval. She nods, so he walks over to three drawers and opens them one by one, pulling out three bodies covered in white sheets.

"I'll give you a few minutes," Dr. Reid tells them, and steps out of the room.

Jane walks over to each of them, and pulls back the sheets to reveal their faces. He does the same with Sam, who is still lying on the autopsy table. He doesn't say a word, and Lisbon stares at him, trying to read his thoughts.

_I'm so sorry. Kaitlyn, you're so little. Even smaller than Charlotte was. You never even had a chance. And Tyler, I wish I'd gotten to know you. Sara. I was so happy to see you again. At least now, you don't need to miss them. It doesn't hurt anymore. And Sam, I'm sorry. Pete blames me, and he's not wrong. I'll try to take care of him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he never wants to see me again. None of you deserved this._

Jane is crying now, but he is only dimly aware of it. He's not sobbing hysterically like he was after his nightmare. In fact, he's barely making a sound, save for the occasional gasp for air, but his body is trembling and the anguish is obvious. Lisbon has seen him cry before, but never as upset as he is right now. She wonders if this is anywhere close to what he felt after his family's deaths. _He would have been alone then, having no one to be with him as he cried_, she realizes, and the thought torments her. She gently pulls Jane into a sideways hug, trying to let him know that this time, he isn't alone.


	12. Jane's Idea

**Chapter 12 – Jane's Idea**

The pouring rain outside echoes the mood inside the team's temporary office, which has taken a definite hit after meeting with Sara's aunt and uncle. Even though it has been an hour since the couple left, their grief remains. The team is dreading returning to the motel where Sara died, and the thought that Red John could have murdered any one of them is enough to keep everyone on edge.

"I wonder who he'll kill tonight," Jane mutters to himself. Only Lisbon catches his words, and she gives him a reproachful look.

Jane is serious, though. The thought that he could wake up tomorrow to find one of his co-workers dead is making him feel slightly ill.

"We need a plan. A solid plan," Cho says. "All the evidence is pointing towards Haffner, but we need to prove it."

"We also need to be careful. Haffner is an expert in surveillance. If it's him, it would explain a lot about how Red John seems to know everything that we're planning. And how he got around the motel's security cameras," Lisbon reminds them.

"What about that girl that he sent to you? Hailey? Could you un-hypnotize her to make her remember him?" Rigsby suggests.

"First, I didn't _hypnotize_ her, I just planted a suggestion for her to forget Red John. Second, he'd kill her if he thought we were even considering it." Jane might be desperate, but he isn't willing to sacrifice a child.

"Okay, so you didn't hypnotize her to forget, but you could hypnotize her to make her remember," Cho points out.

"It's too risky," Jane insists.

"What, because she's a child? What if he kills a child next anyways? He already killed Kaitlyn Perez," Cho counters.

Jane rubs his eyes in frustration. He sees Cho's point, but he can't do it. It would be a death sentence for the young girl. He would sacrifice himself, but he can't sacrifice a child.

_But she isn't the only one who can identify Red John!_ The thought comes to Jane immediately.

"Jane? What is it?" Lisbon notices the exact moment that a shadow of life returns to his blue eyes.

"Rosalind Harker! She's in protective custody. We can play recordings of each of their voices. She'll be able to identify him. Like a line-up, but audio only," Jane says, allowing a hint of excitement into his voice.

There is a moment of silence as the team digests this information.

"Is it safe?" Grace asks. "Can we get to her without alerting anyone?"

"It'll be tricky," Jane admits. "Especially if Red John is watching her. We can try to find a way, though. And, she's an adult; she can make the decision whether or not she wants to identify him. We need to obtain the recordings first though, before we even try to find out where she's at. We can't risk alerting them too soon."

Lisbon almost smiles. Jane has his typical crazed Red John look, which normally would concern her, but the fact that he's acting almost normal is comforting. "And how do you propose we get these recordings?" She asks.

"Well, some will be easy. Think of how many news conferences Bertram has given. Stiles has recorded lectures. Others will be a bit harder, but it's worth trying!" Jane insists.

"Okay. Cho, Rigsby, I want you guys to start tracking down these recordings. We can wiretap conversations with some of them if necessary, but we can't just go and call up all of these people out of the blue; it will raise suspicions, especially with Red John watching. Van Pelt, I want you to keep trying to find connections between Haffner and known associates."


	13. Red Dreams

**Chapter 13 – Red Dreams **

It's late. The team finally gives up for the night, and they reluctantly return to the motel. Lisbon's things are still in Jane's room, so she goes back with him. She sits on his bed for a little while, to see if Jane wants to talk, but instead, he begins to panic.

He keeps pacing back and forth, more anxious than Lisbon ever remembers seeing him. "Red John will kill again, Lisbon. Tonight. We'll wake up tomorrow, and you'll get a phone call, and tell me that someone I care about is dead. Dead because of me."

"Jane, there's nothing else we can do. We're doing absolutely everything that we can. You know that, right?"

He stops his pacing. "There is another option," he mutters, so quietly that Lisbon almost misses it.

"Oh really? What is this 'other option'?" Lisbon asks incredulously.

Jane knows she'll freak out if he tells her, and she's under enough stress as it is. _Besides, if I actually want to go through with it, I need to keep the plan a secret_. Lisbon would do everything in her power to stop him if she had any idea what he was thinking.

"We should go to sleep," Jane says instead, and sits down next to Lisbon on the bed, suddenly exhausted. Lisbon studies him for a moment, and places her hand just above his knee. He looks over at her, questioningly.

"I'm sorry about Sara," Lisbon whispers. "I know how much she meant to you."

Jane lowers his gaze, but not before Lisbon sees his eyes darken with grief. Their deadened look scares her, and she decides that she isn't leaving him alone tonight, no matter what.

"Try and get some rest, okay? I'm going to get changed, but I'll be right back," she says softly, before stepping into the bathroom. Two minutes later, she emerges, only to find that Jane hasn't moved.

"Jane, come on. You need to sleep. Here," she says, grabbing the shirt that he wore the night before. "Put this on."

He does as she asks, but his movements are stiff and mechanical. Lisbon can't tell if it's due to grief or exhaustion. _Probably both_.

Jane crawls into bed next to her, as she turns out the light. Lisbon puts her arm around Jane, holding him closely, trying to offer as much comfort as she can. Despite their fatigue, neither of them falls asleep easily; they're both scared of what tomorrow will bring.

* * *

_Jane is walking through a dark corridor. He thinks the walls are made of grey brick, but it's hard to tell. There are so many bodies lining the corridor, and so much blood. The little he can see of the walls is covered in red smiley faces. They taunt him. _

_It takes him a minute to realize that the bodies are moving. They are dead, grossly mutilated, but they are each slowly opening their eyes, revealing hundreds of dead, hateful stares. _

_Jane gasps. He recognizes the bodies lying before him. He recognizes all of them. As he slowly walks by, they begin to hurl insults, calling him a murderer, a selfish coward._

_More and more voices join in, and Jane can't tell them apart anymore._

_He keeps walking, and sees Angela, holding little Charlotte. "My parents were right. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me!" She snarls at him. _

_"I called for you but you never came. You abandoned us. You're a terrible daddy," Charlotte adds. _

_"I'm sorry," Jane whispers, but it makes no difference._

_He notices Van Pelt next. "I wish I'd never met you. If not for you, Craig never would have come into my life. Everything he did to me, it was your fault," she rages._

_"I'm sorry," Jane repeats, but his words fall on dead ears._

_Suddenly, Jane lurches forward. He's nearly tripped on Rigsby's corpse. "Sure, kick a man while he's down. That's what you do best," Rigsby jeers._

_"No, he ruins people, that's what he does best. Just look at what he's done to Lisbon, to her career," Cho adds, from beside Rigsby._

_"I loved you. Too bad that's as good as a death sentence. You're poison," Lisbon spits in his face. _

_"I'm sorry," Jane says again. He doesn't know what else to say._

_He catches sight of Sara, about a foot ahead. "Do you really think that your miserable life is worth all of ours?" Her anger startles Jane, and he jerks backwards_.

Jane bolts upright, waking Lisbon in the process.

"Jane? Are you okay?" Lisbon mutters.

He is trying to catch his breath, and doesn't answer.

"Nightmare?" Lisbon prods. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm fine," Jane hisses. "Go back to bed."

She turns toward him and wraps her arms around his neck, but he pulls away. "Don't bother. Just go back to bed."

Lisbon is taken aback by the harshness in his tone, and even more so when Jane lies down on his side, so that his back is facing her.

She puts her arm on his bicep. He flinches slightly, but doesn't shake her off. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispers, but he ignores her.

It doesn't take long for Lisbon to fall back asleep, but Jane lies awake for hours, only closing his eyes as the sun begins to rise.


	14. Goodbye

**Chapter 14 – Goodbye **

"Do you have everything?" Lisbon asked her team. They were at the police station, packing up. They had done everything they could in Santa Monica; there was no point in staying any longer.

"I think so, I just need to pack up these files," Van Pelt said.

"I'll be right back," Jane muttered. The team exchanged concerned glances as he slipped out the door.

"Boss?" Rigsby asked, but Lisbon shook her head.

"Just let him go," she told them. She had a pretty good idea of where he was heading.

Jane made his way down to the basement, and easily found his way to the morgue. Dr. Reid wasn't there, for which Jane was grateful.

He suppressed a chill as he entered the grey room, and walked over to the wall of silver drawers. He selected four doors, and opened them. First Tyler, then Kaitlyn, Sara, and Sam. Just as he had done before, he pulled back the sheets slightly to reveal their blank faces.

"I'm sorry, Tyler," Jane murmured. "You must have been a good person, it was obvious how much Sara loved you."

He pulled the sheet back over Tyler's head, and closed the door, before turning to the young man's daughter.

"I'm sorry, Kaitlyn. I'm sorry I cut your life so short. Your parents loved you more than anything else in the world. I hope you knew that," Jane continued. He leaned over and laid a gentle kiss on the child's forehead, before covering her with the sheet and sliding her back into the drawer next to her father.

"Sara. I'm so glad I got the chance to spend some time with you. I wish it were under different circumstances. You were truly an amazing woman. I'm so sorry I ruined everything." He kissed her forehead, and tenderly closed the door on her as well.

"Sam. Thank you so much for everything you've done over the years. I wish I deserved it. I'm so sorry." He gave her a kiss on the cheek and, just as he did with the others, gently covered her and put her back in the drawer.

He took one last look at the wall of drawers, and reluctantly walked away.

He felt dizzy and lost, and when he arrived back at their temporary office, he had no memory of walking there. As soon as he entered, however, he could feel the change in the atmosphere. Only Lisbon met his eyes, and there was a deep sadness in her gaze; the rest of the team studiously avoided eye contact.

"Who?" Jane asked dully; as usual, he had correctly interpreted their behaviour.

He waited as Lisbon slowly released the breath that she had been holding. "Kristina Frye," she finally said.

Jane closed his eyes momentarily, but otherwise had no outward reaction. Inside, however, his mind was in a tailspin.

"We're just about ready to go," Lisbon told him. He walked out without saying a word.

"He took that well," Rigsby commented.

Lisbon raised her eyebrows and Cho shook his head.

"We have to find this guy. I don't know how much more Jane will be able to take," Grace said, a concerned expression on her face.

The team headed out to the parking lot to find Jane sitting in the passenger seat of Lisbon's car, buckled up and ready to go.

_He didn't even try to get me to let him drive_, Lisbon realized. From the worried looks on their faces, she can tell the rest of the team came to the same conclusion.

She sighed, and slides into the driver's seat. Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt put their supplies into the trunk of the second car, and the five of them began the long drive back to Sacramento.


	15. One Down

**Chapter 15 – One Down**

The psychiatric hospital made Jane very uncomfortable; it filled him with a cold dread that he couldn't seem to shake. He found himself gravitating towards Lisbon, craving her warmth as they walked through the white hallways. His discomfort magnified exponentially when they entered Kristina's room.

Three things immediately struck Jane: the smiley face on the wall, Kristina's bloodied body, and Brett Partridge holding a camera. He knew he should feel something; sadness or anger or suspicion or anything at all, but he didn't. He was still numb, but he sensed his friends tense beside him.

"Boss, I forgot something in the car. I'll be right back," Grace whispered, and made a quick exit. _She must be really creeped out by Partridge_, Jane assumed.

Ten minutes passed before Grace returned, and when she did, she found Brett Partridge alone, standing impatiently outside of the room.

"Hey Brett, what are you doing out here?" Grace asked, keeping her tone friendly.

"Jane wants to look at the scene alone. Apparently Mr. Expert can't have any distractions," he said bitterly.

Grace laughed. "Yeah, sorry about that. He can be pretty intense, especially when it comes to Red John. Don't take it personally."

"Oh, I'm not taking it _personally_. It's just annoying not being allowed to do my job," Partridge replied nonchalantly.

"Listen, I'm gonna go and see how much longer they'll be. I'll let you know, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks," Brett said.

Grace quietly entered the room and walked over to where Lisbon and Jane were standing, next to Kristina's body. "Anything? Partridge is getting impatient."

Lisbon shook her head. Jane still looked numb; he hadn't reacted to Grace's presence at all.

"We'll probably be another ten minutes or so," Lisbon informed her.

"Okay, I'll be right outside. I need to take care of something," Grace said. Lisbon eyed her curiously, but nodded her agreement.

Grace returned to the hallway where Partridge was waiting. "They'll be about ten minutes, and then it's all yours," she told him, smiling kindly.

"Well, it's good to know that I'll be allowed to finish doing my job. I hope they haven't disturbed the crime scene," Partridge said, rolling his eyes.

"What have you found so far?"

"Well, Red John is tricky. You need to be really careful, leave no stone unturned. He's a really smart guy, certainly smarter than us. It's all about seeing what other people overlook, you know? Like, the victim's body, she was wrapped up in white sheets, but we found a pale pink fibre on her bed. Now, that could be from some piece of clothing that someone was wearing, or, it could be from Red John," Partridge said, stopping for a breath before continuing. Grace let him talk for the full ten minutes, until they noticed Lisbon and Jane exit the room.

"Okay, Mr. Partridge, thanks for waiting. You can finish up now," Lisbon told him coolly.

"Finally," he muttered under his breath, and quickly re-entered the room.

Lisbon took out her phone. "Hi, Cho? Bertram wants us back at the office. Yeah, says he wants an update on the case. You and Rigsby finish interviewing the staff and then meet us back there."

Lisbon returned her phone to her pocket, and the three of them headed back to the car. Once they got there, Lisbon quickly surveyed their surroundings and then hissed, "Grace, how could you stand talking to him without feeling all creeped out?!"

Grace looked around also, and then pulled down the neck of her shirt to reveal a wire.

"You recorded his voice," Lisbon whispered, astonished.

A small smile spread across Jane's face – the first real sign of life they'd seen from him all day. "That's really good work, Grace," he told her affectionately.

She answered with a broad grin. "Thanks."


	16. Hope

**Chapter 16 – Hope**

Back in the bullpen, Grace had taken over from Cho and Rigsby, and she searched feverishly trying to find recordings of the remaining people on Jane's list. So far, she had recorded Partridge and Cho and Rigsby had managed to locate press conferences given by both Bertram and McAllister. Stiles had given her a video of one of his lectures the last time he was at CBI. She had pulled a recording of one of Haffner's interrogations from when he was working there. So, it was just Kirkland and Smith. She was currently searching through a list of files that Smith had dealt with at the FBI. She was trying to find a plausible reason to request access to a recording of an interrogation, _any _interrogation that he had performed.

Jane was lying on his couch with his eyes closed, but he was not asleep. He considered his next move carefully. Tyler, Kaitlyn, Sam, Sara, Kristina. Five people had died under Red John's "new rules." There would certainly be more. Why was he putting off the inevitable? Why didn't he just end it right then? _I want to catch Red John. Catch him and make him regret ever laying a finger on my wife and child._ It was selfish. But if he was honest with himself, he knew that that wasn't the entire reason. _If I die, it will hurt Lisbon_. Her father killed himself; Jane knew that. Lisbon felt guilty that she couldn't save him, that she wasn't _enough_ to save him. Jane's suicide would only magnify those feelings. He could have lied to himself and said that he was waiting to see if their plan to use Rosalind Harker panned out, but really, he didn't have much hope. No, Lisbon was the real reason he was being such a coward. He couldn't stand the thought of hurting her.

"Jane!" Van Pelt's excited voice cut into his thoughts. "Come here!"

Jane sighed and walked over, unable to feel any of the enthusiasm that Van Pelt was exuding.

"I've got them! All of them!" She hissed, giving Jane a meaningful look.

Jane stared at her as he realized what she was saying. Finally, he had a tiny glimmer of hope. "I'll tell Lisbon," he whispered, a slow smile spreading across his face. "That's great work, Grace."

He practically ran to Lisbon's office, not bothering to knock. She looked up from her mound of paperwork, startled. "What's up?"

"Van Pelt has everything we need," he said urgently. He watched as comprehension dawned on her face.

"Really?!" Lisbon's eyebrows shot up. "So, how do you want to play this?"

Jane exhaled slowly. "We need to be careful. We have to find out where we need to go, and fast. Because tomorrow…"

"How are we going to find out?" Lisbon questioned. "I mean, it's not as simple as putting in a request."

"Is there anybody there that we trust?" Jane asked.

Lisbon sighed. "I have a friend from college, with the FBI. I trust her. She's out in DC."

"Okay. Call her from a payphone, somewhere remote" Jane warned. "I'll go with you."

Lisbon nodded, in that solemn way she does whenever she's taking Jane really seriously.

"Lets go now. I'll tell Van Pelt to catch Cho and Rigsby up when they get back," Lisbon decided.


	17. Plan B

**Chapter 17 – Plan B**

Jane drove them about an hour southeast of Sacramento, to a pay phone outside of a dilapidated diner.

"Here we are," Jane said unnecessarily.

They didn't waste time, and quickly exited the car. Lisbon picked up the phone and dialed a number that she knows by heart. _Please pick up_, she prayed.

"Hello?" The sound of Mary's voice made Lisbon smile.

"Mary, hi! It's Teresa," she said, infusing her voice with false cheer.

"Teresa, good to hear from you! How have you been? Work keeping you busy?"

"Yeah, that's actually why I'm calling. I need a favour," Lisbon replied, biting her lower lip nervously as she spoke.

"For you? Anything. What do you need?" Mary trusted Lisbon as much as Lisbon trusted her.

"I need the location of someone in WITSEC."

"All right, why do you need me for that?" Mary asked, a hint of confusion in her voice.

"It's…sensitive," Lisbon hedged. "Nobody can know that we're talking to this witness."

"What's the name?"

Lisbon glanced at Jane, who nodded. "Rosalind Harker."

"Okay. Listen, to get this information I need to go to the Marshals' office, and I'll need to speak to a friend. I trust him with my life, okay Teresa? But I won't be able to get it for you until tomorrow. It's 9pm here."

Jane didn't like that. He wasn't a trusting person by nature, and Red John had made him even less so. And tomorrow, someone else would be dead. Someone he cared about.

"I really appreciate this, Mary," Teresa said, knowing that they had no other options. "When you get this information, you need to be careful how you get it to me. I'll call you tomorrow around 3pm, so 6pm for you. Is that okay?" Lisbon deliberately chose a later time; she knew that she would most likely be occupied at another Red John crime scene in the morning.

"Sure. Teresa, are you in some kind of trouble?" Mary sounded worried.

"It's just a really sensitive operation. We need to take every precaution," Lisbon assured her, sounding far more confident than she felt.

"When you're ready to tell me the truth, I'll be here," Mary said. There was no animosity in her voice, only understanding. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Take care."

"Thanks Mary. I owe you."

Mary chuckled. "No, I'm pretty sure I still owe you." There was a click as she hung up.

"And now we wait," Lisbon said, trying to gauge Jane's reaction.

"Yes. Now we wait," he paused. "I wonder who he will kill tonight." Jane's voice was bitter.

"Jane," Lisbon said firmly. "We're doing everything we can."

Jane just looked at her. She kept saying that; she didn't need him to tell her again that they weren't.

"What, Jane?" Lisbon asked, reading his expression. "What else could we possibly do?" She was starting to get annoyed.

"End it," Jane whispered. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

Lisbon was taken aback. "What do you mean, 'end it'? We're _trying_ to end it!"

Jane just shook his head. "No, we're playing along and trying to win."

"Oh, really? And how exactly do you propose we _end_ it?" Lisbon was still irritated.

"Doesn't matter," Jane muttered, looking away. _She doesn't need to know about Plan B._

"Jane!" Lisbon grabbed his arm and turned him, forcing him to face her, but he didn't meet her eyes. Realization dawned on her.

"Oh my God, Jane. Don't you _dare_. Don't you even think…oh my God." There was a clear edge of panic in Lisbon's voice. Jane determinedly avoided her eyes, confirming her suspicions without saying a word.

"Jane, you can't. You _can't_. You hear me?" She leaned forward and hugged him as tightly as she could.

"Jane," Lisbon tried again, attempting to sound rational instead of terrified. "Red John won't stop if you die. He didn't even know who you were when he first started killing."

"We should get back," Jane muttered, in a futile attempt to change the subject.

"No. I'm not just letting this go," Lisbon insisted.

"Teresa–"

"No! Don't 'Teresa' me! We need to talk about this," Lisbon was breathing hard and her face was flushed with fear.

"Okay. Okay, we'll talk. But we should still get back," Jane said, resigning himself to what he knew would be a difficult conversation.

"We're going back to my apartment," Lisbon ordered. _If he thinks I'm leaving him alone, he's beyond delusional._


	18. You

**Chapter 18 – You **

They didn't say a word to each other during the drive back to Lisbon's apartment. When they finally arrived, Jane went straight to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. "Do you want some?"

Lisbon resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Of course Jane would offer her tea, in her apartment, at a time like this. "No."

"Suit yourself," Jane shrugged.

"Dammit Jane! This is serious!" Lisbon snapped.

"I know. Believe me, I know. This isn't something that just occurred to me today on a whim. I've been considering this option for a while," he confessed.

"How long?" Lisbon whispered, all anger gone from her voice. He took his tea and brought it over to her couch, taking a seat before responding.

"I'm not sure. I was considering it right from the beginning, I guess." He decided to be honest with her. _What else do I have to lose?_

"The beginning?" Lisbon asked as she sat down next to him.

"When my wife and daughter died. Although that was more out of grief, than wanting to end the game. I didn't realize there _was_ a game, at that point. But it is something that has been in the back of my mind ever since. Or at the forefront, in the weeks leading up to my time in the hospital. And sometimes, there are bad days where the grief wins out. Christmas, birthdays, days like that. But after LeeLee's death, and Lorelei's video, I've been giving it more serious consideration. You know, if I'd just done it then, right when we got the video..." he sighed. "Five people are dead because I chose to wait. Six, tomorrow. I'm not worth their lives, Lisbon. I'm really not."

Lisbon was stunned; she had no idea that he was so close to giving up. "Jane. You deserve to live. You hear me? You deserve to _live_."

"_Why_?"

Lisbon flinched at the amount of self-loathing packed inside that single syllable.

"You're blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault! And even if they were, Red John won't stop killing if you die."

"Maybe not. But he'll stop killing people I care about."

"Jane, your life matters too." Lisbon took a deep breath, debating her next words. "You told me earlier that you wouldn't survive it if anything happened to me. That goes both ways. You know that, right?"

For the first time since the conversation had begun, Jane looked at Lisbon.

"You would. You're a strong person, Teresa," Jane whispered.

Lisbon felt tears stinging at her eyes. "Not that strong. Jane, if you die, I won't survive it." She repeated his words back to him, begging him to understand.

He took a sip of tea, but didn't say anything else.

"Jane?" Lisbon asked timidly. "You said you've been considering this for a while. What's stopped you?" She was both scared of and desperate for his answer.

"At the beginning, it was the desire for revenge. I…I had planned on killing him, and then killing myself. And wanting revenge has kept me going all these years. But I don't think that alone is enough. It hasn't been enough for a while," Jane said slowly. He didn't know how much he should tell her, if he should be completely candid or hold back a little bit.

"So what else?" Lisbon prompted gently.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Jane's lips. He decided to be direct. "You. I didn't want to hurt you."

A moment of silence followed his revelation. Suddenly Jane was thrown against the back of the couch, being embraced by a sobbing Lisbon.

"Thank you," she managed to choke out.

Just as Lisbon had done for him, Jane held her tightly while she cried. Unlike him, however, Lisbon was crying tears of relief.

* * *

"Jane? Will you stay tonight?"

Jane smirked slightly. _This is becoming a regular occurrence_. "I'll be okay, Lisbon."

"Please? I'll feel a lot better if you stay." Lisbon doubted he'd do anything drastic that night, but she would rather not take any chances.

Jane sighed, seeing right through her. "All right," he conceded, and laid down on the couch.

Lisbon was slightly taken aback. "Jane, I have a bed. You'll sleep much better there than on the couch."

Jane closed his eyes. Even though it had been ten years since his wife died, he still wasn't completely comfortable sleeping in an empty bed. It had been wonderful having Lisbon there the past few nights, and provided him with a measure of comfort that he hadn't experienced in a decade, but he knew it wouldn't last forever. It was better if he didn't let himself get too accustomed to waking up beside another woman. It would only make it harder when he eventually had to go back to sleeping alone.

"Nonsense, Lisbon. You have excellent taste in couches," Jane teased her, opening one eye to see her reaction.

"You're not alone, Patrick," she whispered, ignoring his attempt to lighten the mood.

"I know," Jane responded automatically as he sat back up. There was something in her eyes that he couldn't quite read. "What is it?"

She hesitated. "Are you sure you'll be okay tonight?"

Immediately, Jane understood. "I am sure. Teresa, I would never kill myself in your apartment, or put you in a situation where you are the one to find my body. Never."

Lisbon cringed, and Jane realized too late how macabre he sounded. "Hey, right now, I have no plans to kill myself. Okay? But, as I just told you, it _is_ something that I have considered," he said gently.

His frankness didn't make Lisbon feel any better. If anything, hearing him say the words out loud terrified her even more. "Can you please come sleep in the bed?" Her voice was small, scared. A part of her hated sounding like that, but the other part of her didn't care as long as it kept him safe.

Jane sighed, but nodded. He knew she wouldn't sleep otherwise.

"Thank you," she murmured.


	19. Pretending

**Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read and review! It really makes my day :) This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I'll probably post at least one more before the end of the day! I hope you like where this ends up going :)**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Pretending **

At 6:30am, the incessant beeping of Lisbon's alarm woke the two of them up. Lisbon groaned. She hadn't slept well, plagued by nightmares that involved her father's suicide morphing into Jane's.

"Lisbon, that alarm is an awful thing to wake up to," Jane admonished. Unlike Lisbon, he had slept relatively well. He would never admit to her how much better he slept with her next to him; he still had nightmares, but they woke him up much less often. If he had been alone, he probably wouldn't have managed to sleep at all.

"Yeah, well, it works," Lisbon grumbled. Even half-asleep, she knew that teasing was Jane's way of trying to take back some control, and pretending he wasn't terrified of what the day would bring.

Jane quickly changed out of Tommy's old t-shirt, and within a minute he was ready to go. Lisbon glared at him; she had yet to get out of bed.

Jane escaped to the kitchen, where he immediately put on a pot of coffee for Lisbon, and boiled water for tea for himself. He searched her cupboards and found a box of Lucky Charms cereal, which made him chuckle. _Leave it to Lisbon to have a box of Lucky Charms lying around_.

Lisbon entered the kitchen, fully dressed, just as the coffee finished percolating. She grinned and poured herself a rather large mug full.

"Lucky Charms? Really?" Jane raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with that?" Lisbon asked wryly.

"Oh nothing, nothing at all. I just figured you were more of a Frosted Flakes person."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. She knew that his carefree attitude was an act, but she played along anyways. She just hoped that he wasn't putting on a front for her sake.

* * *

They drove separately to the CBI, but walked into the building together. Lisbon could feel Jane's anxiety building as they entered the elevator, so she squeezed his hand gently. "It'll be okay, Jane."

He just shook his head, calling her lie. "I wonder who it will be."

Lisbon sighed, but didn't say anything else. The elevator dinged as they reached their floor, and they exited into the empty bullpen. It's 7:30am, and people usually didn't start arriving for another half-hour.

Lisbon went to her office, and Jane followed, unsure of what else to do. He sat on her couch as she went through her messages. He could tell by her expression that none of them were important, so he laid down.

Lisbon got started on paperwork, and they sat in comfortable silence for about ten minutes, until the ringing of Lisbon's phone caused them both to jump.

Jane's intense stare unnerved her, as she answered. "Lisbon."

Jane watched Lisbon deflate, and she consciously avoided his eyes. "Okay," she told the person on the other end. "Yes. We're on our way. Thanks."

She hung up the phone with a _click_.

"Who?" Jane asked, abandoning all pretenses.

"Sophie Miller," Lisbon whispered, staring at her desk.


	20. Maybe We'll Get Lucky

**Sorry about the delay! I had hoped to have this up last night, but the website wasn't letting me upload new chapters. I'll try to make up for it today. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Maybe We'll Get Lucky**

There was nothing remarkable about the scene of Sophie Miller's death, and they did not stay for long. Jane was quiet, lost in thought, and Lisbon was doing a poor job of hiding her concern.

"Jane? You okay?" Lisbon finally asked, as they got back into the car.

"You know, I was expecting it to be Rosalind Harker," he said, without looking at her. "I wonder why it wasn't."

"Maybe we'll finally get lucky."

"Yeah. Maybe." Jane sounded like he really didn't believe it. "Sophie didn't deserve to die. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. There would be no game. If anything, he _owes _her. But instead he killed her. Ironic, don't you think? He killed the person who saved my life. I guess that's his way of saying that I shouldn't expect this to last much longer."

"Jane, he's a serial killer. Killing is what he does. It has nothing to do with you."

"No, Lisbon. It has everything to do with me," Jane sighed. "Ever since I got on TV with my big ego and said what they wanted to hear about Red John, it _is_ about me. His choice of victims proves it."

"We're gonna get him, Jane," Lisbon insisted. Those words had become her mantra, and although she was speaking to Jane, she was trying equally hard to convince herself not to give up hope.

* * *

Lisbon had a growing headache, which was only made worse by the mounds of paperwork sitting on her desk. Paperwork was a part of the job, but the six murders in five days had really taken their toll.

At 1:45pm, Jane entered her office, and noticed her rubbing her head. "Hey, you okay?"

She smiled at the concern in his voice. "Yeah, just a headache. I took some Tylenol; it should kick in soon enough. Are you ready to go?"

Jane nodded. "Different place than yesterday, but same idea, okay?"

"Yep, I got it," Lisbon sighed. Jane looked as nervous as she felt. If Mary came through for them, they could end this tonight.

* * *

Once again, Jane drove them, in his old Citroen. They didn't talk much, but after a long while, Jane broke the silence.

"Lisbon, I'm not sure if you know, but tomorrow is Charlotte's birthday," he said carefully, sneaking a quick glance at her before he returned his focus to the road.

Lisbon turned to stare at him, surprised. Of course, Charlotte's birthday was written in the case files, but she had completely forgotten. "Okay," she replied, unsure about where he was going with this.

"Red John probably knows. I'd be surprised if he doesn't. And if he does, I don't think he'll just let it slide. He'll relish the opportunity to taunt me."

A sick feeling grew in the pit of Lisbon's stomach. "Jane…" She whispered his name, but didn't know what else to say.

Jane grimaced. "I just thought you should know. If we don't catch him today…"

"Jane. You're not responsible for his actions. Please…" Lisbon trailed off. _Please don't do anything stupid_, she prayed, deciding that she was not going to let him out of her sight for the next couple of days.

"What do you usually do, for her birthday?" The words sounded lame, even to her.

Jane glanced over at her, eyebrows raised. "Charlotte's dead, Lisbon."

She winced at his bluntness. "I know, Jane. I know she is. That doesn't mean you can't do something for her birthday, though," she told him gently. "Have you looked at the things in the box Sara gave to you?"

"No."

His tone told her that she needed to stop pushing him. She hadn't crossed a line yet, but she was dangerously close.

"Okay. I'm here, if you need anything. Please remember that," Lisbon sighed. There was so much more that she would like to tell him, but she didn't, for fear of driving him away.

* * *

They pulled up to a pay phone with five minutes to spare. It was outside of a run-down motel. Upon closer inspection, Lisbon realized that it was boarded up, abandoned.

They got out of the Citroen, and Lisbon dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?" Mary picked up after a single ring.

"Hi Mary," Lisbon said, once again putting on a falsely cheerful voice.

"Teresa, always so punctual," Mary chuckled. "I've got the address."

Lisbon broke into a genuine smile. "You're the best."

"11700 Hobday Road, Wilton. Kind of in the middle of nowhere, but still pretty close to you guys."

"Thanks so much, Mary. Did you have any problems getting it?"

"You mean did anyone find out? Only the one friend I told you I was going to contact. I was with him when he did the search, though. It was clean," Mary assured her.

"Thank you. I _definitely_ owe you one."

"If you say so, Teresa," Mary teased. "Be careful. Let me know how things turn out, when you can. Okay?"

"Will do. Bye."

"Bye, Teresa. Good luck"

Lisbon hung up the phone, and looked at Jane. He frowned slightly as he considered their next move.

"Wilton. We should go there now. We'll just be wasting time if we head back to the office in between," he said.

"We need the recordings, Jane," Lisbon reminded him.

He shook his head. "I had Grace put them on an mp3 player before we left."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's go."

Lisbon made a quick phone call to Van Pelt to let her know what was happening, and they drove off.


	21. That's Him

**Chapter 21 – That's Him**

They hit traffic on the freeway, but still managed to reach the safe house in less than an hour. As they pulled into the driveway, they were met by a US Marshal, who walked over to the driver's side window.

"Can I see some identification?" He asked, glancing at each of them before doing a double take. "Teresa? That you?"

"Alex! Good to see you," Lisbon said, smiling. "This is my colleague, Patrick Jane. We just wanted to have a word with Ms. Harker."

"Sure thing. I do need to see ID though, it's procedure," Alex explained.

"Of course," Lisbon smiled. She passed him her badge, and Jane showed Alex his CBI identification.

"How long are you here for?" Lisbon asked casually.

"I get off at 8. My buddy Marc has the night shift," he answered, inspecting their credentials before returning them. "Alright, you're good to go! It was nice to see you, Teresa. Tell Tommy I say hi."

"I will. Thanks, Alex," she responded. Jane eyed Alex suspiciously as he returned to his car.

"He's a friend of Tommy's. They went to school together. I've known him since he was six years old, we can trust him," Lisbon assured Jane. He didn't look convinced.

"So. This is it," Lisbon said, changing the subject. "Do you really think it's Haffner?"

"Lisbon, right now I'm just hoping that when we knock on that door, Rosalind Harker is still alive. And if she is, I'm bringing this," Jane said, picking up a small audio recorder.

"Why?" Lisbon asked, confused.

"Well, if she's alive, and she identifies Red John, then it is highly likely she will be killed before she can testify. This will at least give us proof that she identified him," Jane said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Lisbon gaped at him. _He's thinking about gathering evidence_. _He plans on taking Red John alive, and having him tried in a court of law. _

"That's a good idea, Jane," Lisbon said, recovering from her shock. "We'll need to inform her that she's being recorded, though, so that it is admissible in court."

"Sure," Jane said casually. Lisbon was looking at him suspiciously, but he didn't elaborate.

"You ready?" Jane asked, and Lisbon nodded.

The two of them approached the big red door, and Jane knocked gently. A huge smile spread across his face when Rosalind Harker opened the door, and Lisbon realized how long it had been since she had seen him truly happy.

"Hello?" Rosalind said uncertainly.

"Ms. Harker, it's Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane, from the CBI. May we come in?" Lisbon asked.

"Of course," Rosalind said as she stepped aside. "It's nice to talk with you again," she said politely in her soft, lilting voice.

"Are you alone?" Jane asked.

"Well, the two of you are here. But nobody else is. What can I do for you?"

"We have some voice recordings that we would like you to listen to. We want to know if one of these people is Roy Tagliaferro," Jane said, purposely using Red John's alias.

"I suppose I can do that for you."

"Is it okay with you if we make an audio recording of this conversation?" Lisbon asked her, even though Jane had already turned the device on. "It's important that we have a record of it."

"Yes, that is fine." Her voice was calm.

"Thank you. We're going to go through them one by one, and I want you to tell me if any of them sound like Roy Tagliaferro," Jane explained, and Rosalind nodded.

"Okay. First one," Jane said, and pressed a button on a small mp3 player. The voice of Gale Bertram giving a press conference filled the room.

Rosalind immediately shook her head. "That's not him."

"All right. Here's the second one," Jane said, skipping to the next track. The deep southern voice of Thomas McAllister began describing a string of robberies that occurred in Napa County.

"No, the voice is too deep, and the accent is wrong," Rosalind quickly shot down this suspect as well.

"Okay," Jane said, skipping ahead again. Suspect #3 was Brett Partridge, and they listened to him begin to describe the evidence he had found at the scene of Kristina's murder. Jane cringed, but he didn't have to listen for long, because Rosalind rejected his voice as well.

Number 4 was Bret Stiles, and they listened to about three seconds of him discussing how to let anger melt away before Rosalind announced, "It's not him."

Reede Smith was number 5; Grace had found a recording from the interrogation of Mr. Norris, the hotel manager who Jane had framed for Callie Carson's murder in order to get rid of the FBI. Since it was a joint case, they had easy access to the recording. Just as with the previous four suspects, Rosalind quickly cleared Smith.

The recording of Bob Kirkland came up next; this was the hardest one for Van Pelt to track down. She had finally remembered that Kirkland was the one to question Jane after Lorelei had "kidnapped" him. Lisbon groaned inwardly as they listened to Kirkland discussing Jane's relationship with Lorelei. "It's not him, either," Rosalind informed them.

Jane and Lisbon exchanged nervous looks. Jane pressed the advance button on the mp3 player, and Haffner's voice came on. There was immediate recognition on Rosalind's face. "That's him," she told them, mildly surprised. "So you know him. You know who he is."

"It would seem so," Lisbon responded, carefully hiding her excitement.

Jane hadn't said a word; Lisbon could practically hear the wheels turning in his head.

"Ms. Harker, this man is quite dangerous. Since you have identified him, we would like to take you with us, to make sure you're safe," Lisbon explained.

"Isn't that why I'm here in the first place?" Rosalind asked. "Besides, it's all quite unnecessary. Roy won't hurt me."

"I'm not so sure about that," Lisbon tried again, but Rosalind shook her head.

"Thank you, but I'm staying here," she said firmly. "Anyways, there are already agents watching me twenty-four hours a day."

"All right," Lisbon sighed, knowing that she couldn't force someone into protective custody. "Thank you very much for your help, Ms. Harker."

"You're welcome. I'm sure once you talk to him, you'll see that this is all a big misunderstanding. Roy is a kind man."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at the woman's stubbornness. "We'll see."

Lisbon and Jane left quickly, and returned to the car. Jane didn't start the engine right away; he just sat, as if he couldn't quite believe what was happening.

"Jane?" Lisbon prompted.

"We need to send a copy of the recording to Van Pelt. Now," Jane said urgently, snapping out of his daze.

"I had her show me how to do it. I just attach it to my phone like this," he said, pulling out a cable from behind the seat and attaching the recorder to his phone. "And then I go to send, and file, and I select the recording, and I put in Van Pelt's email address," Jane mumbled to himself. "Done!"

"I'll call her to make sure she gets it," Lisbon said, already dialing.

"Van Pelt! Jane is sending you the recording," Lisbon told her. Jane could hear the younger woman's muffled shriek of excitement as she asked Lisbon which suspect Rosalind identified.

"It's Haffner. She identified Haffner's voice. Look, I need you to find out where he is, and send Cho and Rigsby to bring him in. Let me know what is location is, and Jane and I will meet them there. And make a few copies of that recording. The last thing we need is for it to go missing."


	22. Chase

**Chapter 22 – Chase **

"Jane! For God's sakes, slow down!" Lisbon exclaimed as they approached 30 over the speed limit. "We can't catch Haffner if we're wrapped around a pole somewhere!"

"Lisbon, we're so close," Jane said breathlessly.

"Yeah, close to where? Van Pelt hasn't even got back to us with an address!"

The words were barely out of Lisbon's mouth when her phone rang. "Van Pelt, what do you got?"

She listened for a moment and then hissed, "Jane, slow _down_! We're going back to CBI."

Jane's face fell, and he completely removed his foot from the gas pedal. "What happened?"

Lisbon waved at him to be quiet as she listened to Van Pelt. "Okay, we're about twenty minutes away. Let me know if anything changes," Lisbon told her, before hanging up the phone.

She exhaled slowly as she turned to Jane. "He's gone. Van Pelt spoke with the secretary of his company; she says that he left in a hurry just before lunch, and nobody has seen him since. Apparently she was really concerned because he's been really tired lately, as if he hasn't been sleeping well," Lisbon snorted. "He blew off a few meetings with clients, and she has no idea why. Rigsby and Cho are going to check out his house, but if he's on the run, he won't be there."

"Dammit!" Jane smacked the steering wheel in frustration.

Lisbon put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. We know who he is. We have a name, and a face. We have evidence, and a witness statement identifying him. We can put out a state-wide APB. He won't escape."

"Lisbon, for all we know, he's halfway to Mexico by now. He probably has friends with the TSA, he'll be able to get around any no-fly list we try to put him on. I'm not even sure it's safe to advertise that we know who he is. We don't know who all of his friends are. We've cleared the other people on that list of being Red John, but for all we know, every single one of them is working for him. We still don't know who we can trust."

Lisbon could hear the despair creeping back into Jane's voice.

"Do you really think he'd make a run for it? 'Until you catch me, or I catch you,'" Lisbon quoted. "If he runs, neither of those will happen."

"Lisbon, we need to catch him _today_." Jane was definitely getting desperate.

"We're doing everything we can, Jane. And don't give me that look! It's not an option, okay? We're so close; don't give up now. We're gonna get him." Lisbon was aware that her words sounded like a really lame pep talk, but she didn't care. He couldn't give up.

* * *

"Van Pelt, anything?" Lisbon strode into the bullpen with Jane on her heels.

"No. Cho called, he said that the place is empty, and his car is there. He must be using a different one, but I couldn't find any rentals in his name or any of his known aliases. They're searching the house now," Van Pelt reported. "I tried tracing his phone, but it's still at his office. He probably has a burner."

"Okay. Look, we need to decide on a game plan. Starting with, who do we trust enough to bring into this?" Lisbon eyed Jane as she said this.

"We don't trust anyone any more than we need to," he decided. "As few people as possible. There's no telling how many friends he has inside the CBI."

Van Pelt nodded solemnly. "And Bertram?"

Jane considered it for a moment, and then shook his head. "Only if we need to."

Lisbon had an idea. "Van Pelt, you've been going through Haffner's communications?"

"Yeah, flagging anything that looks suspicious, based on content and participants," she confirmed.

"Okay, so what about recently? Is there anything in the past week or so that fits your criteria for 'suspicious'?"

"I'll check. It's slow, though. I've got to go through each one and compare it to all of the others. I started with older messages, but I can go backwards, too."

"Do it. Let me know if you find anything. It might give us an idea of who we can or can't trust."

"Yes, boss," Grace agreed.

* * *

It was 10pm before Cho and Rigsby returned to the bullpen, having searched every inch of Haffner's place.

"Did you find anything?" Lisbon asked expectantly.

"Not really. Well, sort of. It's weird," Rigsby began.

"We found a photo of Sara Perez and her family," Cho finished, holding out a clear evidence bag with a familiar photograph inside.

Jane's head snapped up. "Roy Tagliaferro," he said angrily.

Lisbon gasped. "'It was some Italian name,'" she whispered, echoing Sara's description of the photographer.

"We let it go," Jane said quietly.

"It's done, okay? We can't do anything about it now. It's just one more piece of evidence we can use to put him away," Lisbon told him, trying to assuage his guilt.

"Sure. If we can find him," Jane muttered.

"We _will_," Lisbon insisted. "But not tonight. It's late, I want everyone to get some sleep and be back here by 8:00am tomorrow, ready to catch this guy."


	23. You Need A Friend

**Chapter 23 – You Need A Friend**

Jane stood up from Lisbon's couch as she packed up her things. "I'm going to stay here for the night, Lisbon," he told her casually.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied him. "No, you aren't. You're coming with me."

"I don't need a babysitter, Lisbon. I'll be fine," he said defensively.

"No, you don't need a babysitter. You need a friend," Lisbon said softly. "I know you wanted to get him before…before tomorrow. And I know tomorrow is going to be really hard, no matter what happens. You need a friend, Patrick."

"I'll be fine," he whispered, but Lisbon wasn't fooled.

"'Sometimes, there are bad days where the grief wins out. Christmas, birthdays, days like that,'" she murmured, repeating his words to her from the night before. "Tomorrow is going to be one of those days, yes?"

Jane nodded slowly, not trusting himself to speak.

"That doesn't sound 'fine' to me." Her voice was gentle and caring, and began to break down Jane's wall of defenses.

"Jane, what are you planning on doing, tonight?"

"Staying here," he answered, confused by her change in focus.

"Okay, staying here and doing what?" Lisbon prompted.

He hesitated. "Red John case files."

"What were you going to be looking at, in those files? You have them memorized."

"Not the more recent stuff."

"So you were going to memorize everything about the recent murders?" Lisbon questioned, seriously doubting that this was his true plan.

"Among other things," he hedged.

"Jane, come with me," Lisbon said, and led him up to the attic. She quickly located a shoebox underneath his desk, and pulled it out.

He didn't know how she even knew about the box, let alone the photos he kept inside of it.

"Lisbon, don't," he pleaded.

"Why not? Isn't this what you were going to look through anyways?"

A single tear made its way down Jane's cheek, causing Lisbon to instantly feel guilty.

"Hey," she said, placing her hand on his elbow. Her voice immediately softened. "I'm sorry, okay? I am." She stopped to consider her next words. "Jane, why do you want to spend the night alone with these?"

"I don't know," he confessed. He didn't know how to explain his compulsion to torture himself with his memories.

"Would you like me to sit with you while you look through them?"

Jane looked at her, surprised.

"It's okay, Jane. I'll stay with you for as long as you want," Lisbon promised kindly, hiding her serious concern for his mental health. _There is absolutely no way he is spending tonight alone. I'll sleep on the floor of this attic if I have to_.

"Okay," he conceded. Lisbon gave him a small smile as she picked up the shoebox and brought it over to his makeshift bed.

They both sat down, and Jane opened the box. It was filled with photos. The first one made Lisbon's stomach churn. He wasn't strictly lying when he said 'Red John case files'. Technically, most of these photos _were_ from the case files; he had removed them before burning everything else during his fake breakdown, and added in a few of his own. Lisbon had seen the ones from the case files before, but only briefly.

Jane picked up the top photo, and tenderly rubbed his finger over his wife's head, then his daughter's. "There was so much blood," he whispered as he stared at the photo, transfixed by the sight of their dead bodies.

"I can see that," Lisbon responded gently.

"But you didn't smell it." Jane sounded far away, lost in his memories.

"No, I didn't," She agreed, not bothering to point out that she had been to plenty of similar crime scenes and was familiar with the smell of blood. _That's not the point._

"When I opened that door, I knew what I was going to find. I knew, but nothing could have prepared me…I stood there, in shock. Next thing I remember, I was shaking them, trying to wake them up. I don't know how long it took before I realized that it wasn't going to happen. It was just a few days before Fathers' Day."

The next photo was a close-up of Charlotte's bloodied head and neck. It clearly displayed a deep, gaping knife wound just below her chin. Watching him study the photo, Lisbon began to have an inkling of the horror he went through that night, coming home to find his wife and daughter like this. As she stared at the young girl's face, she couldn't imagine it.

"She's so pale. The blood makes her look even more so," Jane mumbled. "Her eyes are glassy. Dead. I remember that's what really struck me that night. What finally made me realize she wasn't going to wake up. Her eyes."

Lisbon put her hand on his forearm, trying to keep him from getting lost in the past by providing a physical link to the present.

He spent a little bit longer examining that photo, before carefully putting it aside to reveal an image of his smiling eight-year-old daughter on her birthday, flanked by her proud parents. The three of them had their arms wrapped around each other. A beautifully decorated vanilla cake sat in front of them. "Her last birthday," Jane whispered.

He turned to Lisbon then and hugged her, as he buried his face in her neck. He inhaled deeply; the act calmed him, as did the cinnamon and citrus scent that was so distinctly _Lisbon_. Lisbon hugged him back, and was mildly surprised to realize that he was not crying. "Thank you for being here," he said gruffly. She tightened her grip in response.

"Lisbon?" Jane pulled back, fixing her with a deep stare. "What do you think he's going to do tomorrow?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. _Probably something horrible_. "Whatever it is, we'll deal with it, okay?"

Jane sighed, looking down at the photo in his hands. There was a box full of similar images, but none of them would make him feel any better. _Lisbon, on the other hand, seems to have a knack for it._

"Maybe I should stay with you tonight," Jane admitted.

Lisbon smiled. "Would you like to bring the photos?" Her voice was nonjudgmental, but Jane shook his head.

"Maybe just this one," he said, gesturing to the one in his hand. He carefully placed the first two crime scene photos back with the others, and returned the box to its place under his desk.

"What about this?" Lisbon asked, having found the box that Sara gave him.

"I…I don't know," Jane whispered. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

"Well, it's a small box. We can bring it, and if you don't want to go through it then you don't have to."

Jane nodded gratefully, and Lisbon picked up the red box. "All right, lets go."

* * *

Lisbon left the box on her coffee table, and Jane tucked the photo safely inside his jacket, in a zipped-up pocket. He hesitated then, knowing Lisbon was expecting him to share her bed.

"Jane? How are you feeling?" Lisbon asked cautiously.

Jane groaned inwardly. _She's still worried about plan B_. He decided to be mostly honest with her, knowing that she wouldn't believe anything less. "I feel like crap, Lisbon. I feel like this is a nightmare that I can't wake up from, and I just want it to end. But I'm not going to kill myself tonight." He left out the part where he was seriously close to giving up and ending the nightmare himself.

His candour caught Lisbon off-guard, as did his use of the qualifier 'tonight', but she recovered quickly. "Well, I'm glad to hear that last part, at least. Speaking of nightmares, is there anything I can do to help?"

Now it was Jane's turn to be caught off-guard. Really, the only thing that made him feel safe was having her next to him, and as he came to that realization, he knew that he'd be spending the night next to her whether he wanted to or not.

"You help by being there," Jane said, feigning indifference. A smile spread across Lisbon's face. He didn't know if that was because of his compliment or because she knew that she had won, but it didn't matter. He smiled a little as he followed her up the stairs, secretly glad that he wouldn't be spending the night alone.


	24. Happy Birthday

**Chapter 24 – Happy Birthday**

Morning came quickly. Jane couldn't bring himself to continue their light bantering from the previous morning; he was focusing on trying very hard to fight the all too familiar suffocating sensation that always accompanied days like this.

"How did you sleep?" Lisbon asked gently as she sipped her coffee, breaking into his thoughts.

"Okay," Jane shrugged.

"Nightmares?"

"Not too bad." This wasn't a lie; the nightmares hadn't been enough to rouse him, but even so, the first thing he had felt upon waking up that morning was terror.

"That's good," Lisbon said. She wondered if he was aware that he woke her a couple of times, with his limbs flailing. She had managed to calm him down each time, and she didn't think he woke up, but he obviously hadn't had pleasant dreams.

"We should go," Jane said abruptly, changing the subject.

Lisbon glanced at the clock. 7:15am. Although she knew it was early, she nodded.

They were putting on their shoes when Lisbon's phone rang. Jane froze, and gave her a look of pure dread.

Lisbon took a moment to collect herself, and then answered the phone. "Lisbon."

Jane watched the colour drain from her face. When she spoke, her voice was weak. "We're on our way. I appreciate the heads up," she whispered, and ended the call.

"Lisbon?" Jane asked nervously.

She looked up at him, a pained expression on her face.

"Lisbon," he repeated her name, a touch of urgency in his voice.

Lisbon wished they were sitting down, but asking him to sit felt too dramatic. So she walked over to him instead, reached out and put her hands on his arms.

"Do you remember the girl that Red John sent to you, at the cemetery? Hailey Lyle?"

Of course he remembered; how on earth could he forget? Lisbon watched as a flicker of understanding crossed Jane's face. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, so Lisbon kept going.

"Her mother found her this morning, when she went to wake her for school. She's hysterical; the first responders say she refuses to leave the scene. And apparently, today is Hailey's ninth birthday."

She waited, allowing her words to sink in.

"We should go," Jane said dully.

"Jane?" Lisbon asked uncertainly.

"We're wasting time," he answered in the same monotonous voice.

"I'll call the others and have them meet us there," Lisbon said, but Jane was already out the door.

* * *

Lisbon managed to find a spot on the street that was not occupied with emergency vehicles, and parked the car. She briefly squeezed Jane's hand as she unbuckled her seatbelt. She was surprised when he actually responded, gripping her hand tightly.

"Will you stay with me?" He reminded her of a scared child. She couldn't fathom how much pain he must have been in to ask her for help like that.

"I'm not the one who always runs off at crime scenes," Lisbon said in a half-hearted attempt to tease him. It fell flat, and she knew it. "I'll be with you the whole time," she assured him sincerely.

"Thanks," he said quietly, and released her hand.

They made their way inside, and immediately heard the sound of Hailey's mother sobbing hysterically. Jane cringed slightly at the noise. He noticed balloons in the kitchen, with the number nine written all over them, and he began to feel sick.

They climbed the stairs in a daze, following the sounds of grief emanating from Hailey's bedroom. The door was partially open, revealing Red John's signature calling card on the wall, and Lisbon shot a concerned glance at her partner as they entered.

They were instantly assaulted by the metallic smell of blood. Lisbon knew that smell is the strongest trigger for memory, and as she recalled Jane's words from the previous evening, she prayed that he wasn't being transported back in time. One look at his face confirmed her fears, but after a few moments he appeared to snap out of it, and returned to the present.

Hailey's mother was kneeling beside the bed, cradling her daughter's body. Lisbon had noticed the first time they met that the child looked a lot like Charlotte, and the resemblance persisted even in death. _Especially in death_, Lisbon mentally corrected herself.

When they moved a bit closer, Lisbon realized that the woman was desperately begging Hailey to wake up. This caused Lisbon to send another concerned glance in Jane's direction. He kept glancing at the door, subconsciously checking to ensure he had an escape route, but he stayed close to Lisbon.

"Ms. Lyle?" Lisbon asked, using her 'I'm sorry for your loss' voice.

"She won't wake up," the woman said.

"No, she won't," Lisbon agreed in the same calm tone, kneeling down next to the grieving woman.

"But it's her birthday. I tucked her in last night and I promised her I'd wake her up in the morning, so that she could open her present before school."

"I know," Lisbon responded sympathetically. She hated dealing with relatives in denial, but today even more so. "I need you to let go of her. Can you do that for me?"

"Why?"

"Somebody killed her. We need to take a look and see if he left anything behind that we can use to catch him," she said wearily.

To Lisbon's surprise, Ms. Lyle nodded and released Hailey's body.

"This officer is going to take you to get cleaned up, okay?" Lisbon brought the woman to the SACPD officer that had been guarding the room. The officer escorted Ms. Lyle downstairs.

"Jane?" Lisbon touched his arm gently, noticing that his gaze was fixated on Hailey's disfigured body.

"He slit her throat first, so that she wouldn't be able to scream. It's a small cut though, probably just enough to quiet her. Judging by the rest of these lacerations, that wasn't the one that killed her. Also, there's a card there," he said quietly, gesturing towards Hailey's shoulder. Sure enough, there was a corner of a pink envelope peaking out from underneath the covers.

Lisbon put on a pair of latex gloves and carefully opened the envelope. She pulled out a scarlet birthday card. It was one of those generic '18th birthday, female' cards that one might find at a drugstore.

"Well, I guess it's not for Hailey," Jane muttered, noticing the age written on the cover. Lisbon opened it to reveal the message inside:

_I hope you enjoy my gift._

It was followed by his signature smiley face. Lisbon shot Jane a look; her expression was a mixture of concerned and horrified. He looked very nauseous.

"Let's get out of here. We'll let forensics do their jobs," Lisbon gently ordered. Jane allowed himself to be led outside, where Lisbon handed off the card to one of the forensic technicians.

"Lisbon…" Jane whispered her name.

"What is it?" She asked him gently. He turned to his left and emptied the contents of his stomach into a bush.

When he stopped retching, she silently handed him a bottle of water. He used it to rinse out his mouth. "Thanks," he said, briefly meeting her eyes. He looked devastated, and still rather ill.

"There's Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt arriving now," Lisbon told him, nodding towards the street. "We'll bring them up to speed and then take off. Do you want to wait in the car?"

Although Jane would have preferred not to be there while Lisbon described the scene to the team, his desire to stay close to her outweighed his instincts to run. He shook his head.

"Okay. We're almost done," she said sympathetically.

Her phone rang just as Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt began to make their way over. "Lisbon," she said, answering the phone. Jane watched her intently.

"I see. Yes…Yes. Thank you," Lisbon said. She finished the call as the rest of the team reached her and Jane.

"Rosalind Harker was killed last night," she informed them.

"Someone was busy," Rigsby remarked, earning him reproachful looks from both Lisbon and Van Pelt.

"How did it happen? Isn't she under protection?" Grace asked.

"I'm not sure. We'll have to go over there and talk to them. You three stay here. We've checked out the scene, forensics is in there now. When the mother calms down, see if you can get anything out of her. Also talk to the neighbours; maybe one of them saw something. It's a long shot, but worth a try."

She hesitated, and glanced over at Jane. He gave her an almost imperceptible nod, so she continued. "He left a card, with a message that says 'I hope you enjoy my gift.' I left it with forensics, but let me know right away if they find anything else like that."

"A card?" Rigsby asked, confused. "What kind of card?"

"A birthday card," Jane said bitterly, his first words since the team had arrived.

His answer only deepened their confusion. "Why would he leave a birthday card?" Van Pelt questioned.

"It's Hailey's birthday today. Charlotte's too," Jane muttered. He was clearly disgusted, though his voice softened somewhat as he whispered his daughter's name. "It was an eighteenth birthday card, so I assume he was referring to Charlotte."

Grace looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry."

"He must have been planning this for a while. He sent Hailey to you over a year ago," Cho pointed out.

"Yeah. Yeah, it seems he has been. That's what concerns me," Jane replied. _If he's been planning this for so long, he's less likely to slip up. And this probably isn't the end of it_.

Lisbon sighed. "Okay, we're going to head over to Wilton. Keep me posted."


	25. A Grave Message

**Chapter 25 – A Grave Message**

Jane and Lisbon arrived at the safe house, and just as he had the day before, Alex immediately came over to greet them. This time, however, he was visibly distressed.

"Alex, what happened?" Lisbon asked him.

"I told you yesterday that my friend Marc had the night shift. Well, it wasn't him who showed up. Apparently he switched the shift with some other guy. The new guy had identification and everything, so when he showed up, I didn't think anything of it. But when I got back this morning, he was gone. We're not supposed to leave the house unattended. So I went inside to check it out, and…and I found her," he said apprehensively.

"Okay, can you describe the person who relieved you?" Lisbon asked.

"He was short, kind of stocky, olive skin and dark eyes, black and curly hair. His credentials all looked legit. The name on them was Sean Bannat. After I got here this morning and found him gone, I called my superiors. He's worked for the US Marshal's office for about a year, they said." Alex was breathing quickly.

"It's okay, Alex. You couldn't have known," Lisbon assured him. "Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary around here lately?"

"No, nothing," he said, shaking his head vigorously.

"Alright, thanks Alex. We'll contact you if we need anything further."

"Sure thing," he replied, still looking shaken as he walked away.

Jane and Lisbon exchanged glances. "One of Red John's friends. He was ready for this," Jane muttered.

"Yeah. We should take a look at the crime scene," Lisbon said.

They headed inside. Her body was in the living room, next to the piano. She had been shot, and they immediately noticed the absence of Red John's calling card. There were two forensics techs carefully examining the room.

"Not Red John's MO," Lisbon said, mostly to herself. "Probably a gun for hire, to tie up loose ends."

"Which means he still isn't done," Jane whispered.

"What do you mean?" Lisbon was confused.

"He has more planned for today, Lisbon. I'm sure of it," Jane said nervously.

"What, like Hailey Lyle wasn't enough?"

"He has plenty of time, Lisbon. He's not going to get another day like this, he knows that."

Lisbon glared at him. To an outsider, his statement might have sounded optimistic, but she knew otherwise. _He will make sure that Red John never gets another day like this, by any means necessary._ _Including suicide_.

"Jane, you need to stop thinking like that," Lisbon said seriously.

"Not now." He dismissed her concern.

"When? When it's too late?" Lisbon's voice rose slightly. "Jane, you don't really want to do this. I know you. You talking to me about this is a cry for help."

"Yeah, well, too bad Red John killed my shrink," Jane spat out.

"Jane. We're going to get through this, okay? Don't give up. Please," she said beseechingly.

"Yeah, sure," Jane sighed. His tone clearly said that he had his doubts.

"Okay look. We've seen enough here. Do you want to stop off at the cemetery on our way back to the office?" Lisbon hoped that he would find some comfort from talking to his wife and daughter.

Jane looked startled by Lisbon's change of subject, though he was less surprised by her offer to accompany him. He nodded. "Yes, I would like that."

She offered him a small smile, a peace offering.

"Thanks, Lisbon," he replied, quiet but sincere.

* * *

It didn't take long for them to reach the cemetery. Lisbon and Jane made their way through the rows of gravestones to the two matching ones bearing the names of his wife and daughter. He knelt down and tenderly places a hand on his wife's marker, and then his daughter's. "Happy birthday Charlie," he whispered. His eyes were filled with tears, but he was determined to maintain control.

Lisbon stood beside him, with her hand on his shoulder. As she gazed down at the stone markers, she caught a glimpse of something red on the back, and her heart sank. She leaned forward slightly, hoping that she was just imagining it but sure enough, there it was.

Jane was so engrossed in his memories that he hadn't noticed how Lisbon's fingers dug a bit deeper into his shoulder, or how her entire body had become rigid. She knelt down next to him.

"Jane?" She bit her lower lip as she spoke; a clear sign that she was uneasy, and Jane picked up on it as soon as he looked at her.

"What is it?" His voice sounded distant and sad, and Lisbon hated having to be the one to break this to him.

"Jane. He's been here," she said as gently as she could. She saw his bewilderment, so she elaborated. "On the back of the stone…"

Jane bent forward, peering over the top of the gravestone bearing Charlotte's name. Lisbon could tell the exact moment when he saw the face mocking him. His body froze for a moment, and then he collapsed backwards onto Lisbon. She wrapped her arms around him protectively.

Jane was breathing quickly and heavily, which concerned her. "Jane, I want you to focus on your breathing, okay? Focus on each breath, in and out, nice and slow."

Jane hadn't realized that he was hyperventilating, but Lisbon's voice calmed him enough to allow him to regain control. Once his breathing steadied, Jane sat back up, removing himself from Lisbon's embrace.

"We need to clean it. Do we have anything to clean it with? I think I have some tissues in the car. And water. I'll go get them," Jane muttered, not really directing his words at anyone in particular.

"Jane, we need to get forensics here and have them process it. We don't even know whose blood it is."

Jane visibly deflated. He knew she was right. "I'm not leaving until it's off of there," he insisted, as if daring her to challenge him, but she didn't. She took his hand and interlaced her fingers with his, and used her other hand to make the phone call.

* * *

Two hours passed before forensics was done. One of the technicians kindly offered to clean the stone, but Jane insisted on doing it himself, so she left him the supplies.

Jane rubbed at the smiley face furiously, long after Charlotte's headstone appeared to be clean.

"Hey, I think you've got it all off," Lisbon told him gently.

"It'll never really be off," Jane sighed.

"Well, then I think you've got as much off as possible," Lisbon tried again. He nodded reluctantly. "Here, I'm going to go throw this stuff out, okay?" Jane nodded a second time.

When she returned a moment later, she found Jane kneeling with his face only a few centimetres away from where his daughter's name was engraved. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have done more to protect you. I'm so sorry," he murmured.

Although Lisbon's maternal instincts were telling her to touch Jane, to offer him comfort, she held back, knowing that he needed time. After a few minutes, he stood, and with one last glance, turned towards Lisbon. She noticed the look of longing in his eyes.

"I'm ready to go," he told her. She reached for his hand and wrapped her fingers around his, and then they both walked back to the car.


	26. Our Best Shot

**Chapter 26 – Our Best Shot**

_Ring, ring_.

The sound of Lisbon's phone ringing caused them all to fall silent. Rigsby had been in the middle of describing the vehicle seen at Hailey Lyle's house around the time of her murder, but the impending call made the details seem unimportant.

"Lisbon," she announced into the phone.

All eyes were on her, scrutinizing her reaction. She turned away, not wanting them to see. _Especially Jane_.

When the dispatcher is finished relaying the bad news, Lisbon thanked him as was customary, but she was feeling anything _but_ thankful. She took a moment to collect herself before turning to face her team.

"What is it, boss?" Grace asked hesitantly.

Lisbon faced Jane and whispered the name. "Kaylee Madigan."

She watched him briefly scan through his memory palace until he located the name. Of course he would remember her; he had taken quite a liking to the young girl. He even went so far as to make sure her grandparents adopted her, to keep her out of the foster care system. That was over five years ago; the girl was six now.

Jane squeezed his eyes shut, and Lisbon knew that he had placed the name. "When?"

"Her grandparents left her with a babysitter for the night while they were out of town for a funeral. They returned an hour ago to find them both dead."

"What do we know about the babysitter?" Jane asked.

Lisbon hesitated a moment before answering. "Lisa Holt. Eighteen."

Jane's jaw tightened slightly when Lisbon mentioned the girl's age, but otherwise he didn't react.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go," Cho said, direct as usual.

"Van Pelt, you stay here and work phones. If anything comes in about Haffner, let me know ASAP," Lisbon instructed the younger agent, before heading to the elevators.

* * *

The scene they arrived at was strongly reminiscent of their earlier crime scene; emergency personnel were everywhere, and the sound of sobbing loudly emanated from inside the house. "Cho, Rigsby, talk to the neighbours. See if any of them can describe a car similar to the one seen at the Lyle house," Lisbon ordered. They were pinning a great deal of hope on being able to locate that vehicle.

Lisbon would very much have like to order Jane to wait outside, but she knew it was pointless. "Are you ready?" She asked him instead.

He didn't acknowledge her; he just walked over to the door. Lisbon followed closely. Jane placed his hand on the door handle and hesitated for a microsecond before opening it. If Lisbon didn't know him so well, she would have missed it.

Dale and Katherine Blakely were sitting on the couch in their living room, just to the right of the main entrance. They were hugging each other, crying. Lisbon allowed Jane to lead, to choose whether he would rather face the grandparents first or the crime scene. He hesitated again, but turned towards the living room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Blakely," Lisbon addressed them softly.

"Agent Lisbon, Mr. Jane," Dale Blakely answered.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Lisbon gave them the standard line. Although she was genuinely sorry, her words sounded hollow.

"How could this happen?" Katherine Blakely sobbed.

"Red John appears to be killing far more often than he was before. We're not sure exactly why. It seems like he's trying to taunt us," Lisbon told them, twisting the truth slightly. Jane frowned, but didn't correct her.

"You need to catch him. Please," the older woman begged. "Why Kaylee and Lisa? What did they have to do with anything?"

"We're not sure just yet, Mrs. Blakely, but we're doing everything we can to find him." Jane's frown deepened at Lisbon's words, and she gave him a warning look.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Lisbon asked gently.

"We were in Los Angeles for a friend's funeral, yesterday. It's a long drive, so we spent the night, and headed back early this morning. We had left her with our niece, Lisa. She's been living with us for the past year, while she's in school. Kaylee adores her," Mr. Blakely told them. They were thankful that his police training helped him stay calm enough to describe what happened. "When we came back this morning, the house was quiet. That's unusual, with a six year old around. We went upstairs to check on them…and found them in Kaylee's bedroom."

"Thank you. We need to take a look upstairs; is that okay?" Once again, Lisbon was asking out of courtesy.

"Do whatever you have to," Mr. Blakely sighed. "Her room is the first one on the right."

Lisbon offered him a sympathetic smile, and her and Jane silently left the room and climbed up the stairs. The door to Kaylee's room was closed. It had a pink sign on it that was decorated with ballerinas, with the girl's name written in curly purple letters.

"Do you want to wait out here?" Lisbon asked Jane gently. She didn't think he would, but wanted to give him the option anyways. As she expected, he shook his head and opened the door.

The scene inside was every bit as horrible as they were expecting, and then some. "Lisbon…" Jane whispered.

"I know," she murmured back. She too had noticed immediately that the bodies were positioned in an identical manner to Angela and Charlotte Jane.

"Kaylee is so much bigger now. But still so small," Jane commented, trying to keep his voice steady and not focus on the similarities with his family's murders. "Lisa is so young, too. Look at her."

"We need to look for a card," Lisbon said, allowing her detective instincts to take over as she surveys the room.

Jane reluctantly moved closer to Kaylee, to take a better look. Her eyes were open, but empty, lifeless. _Just like Charlotte's_.

"You are safe, you are loved, and you are wise. That's cute. From Charmed, right?" Lisbon commented.

As soon as Jane heard Lisbon say those words, he whirled around and grabbed her arms. "What did you just say?" He had a horrified expression on his face.

"Right here," Lisbon said, gesturing towards a small white piece of stiff paper the size of a business card on the child's dresser. The words were written in blood-red calligraphy.

"Jane? What is it?" Lisbon was concerned by his change in demeanor, which strongly indicated that he thought the note was a message from Red John, not something from the Blakeleys like she had assumed.

"I said that to Charlotte, every night, before she went to bed. Ever since she was a baby," he paused, furrowing his brow. "Charmed?"

"Yeah, Piper says it to her son when he's born. Those exact words."

"Hm." Jane rubbed his eyes. "Odd. However, something tells me that Red John wasn't referring to a TV show."

"Yeah," Lisbon sighed. "You okay?"

"No, Lisbon. Not even close. My stomach is still empty, though, don't worry."

"I wasn't referring to your stomach," she told him gently.

"Yeah, I know. What do you want me to say, Lisbon?"

She swallowed hard. "Say that you know you're not alone."

Jane fixed her with a long, hard stare. Finally he dropped his gaze and nodded. "I know."

Before Lisbon could respond, her phone rang again. There was a moment of panic before she looked at the call display, and then she smiled and pressed a button. "Cho, what do you got?"

Jane exhaled in relief, as Lisbon listened to her second-in-command.

Lisbon's smile widened. "Cho, you're the best. Call it in. I want everyone on this, you hear? Everyone. This is probably our best shot. Don't let on why we're tracking it, though, okay? Pretend it's a totally different case. Keep me posted."

"What is it? What did they find?" Jane asked urgently, desperate for any news.

"A nine-year-old kid across the street saw a car that matches the description from the Lyle house. It was the only car all night that stopped in front of the house. He got the plates," she said excitedly.

Jane frowned. "That's too easy. The middle of the night and a kid who's probably supposed to be in bed just happens to see?"

"No, Cho says that the kid is autistic, has a fixation with cars and a photographic memory. His bedroom window faces the street, he stays up at night and watches. As far as witnesses go, he's pretty reliable."

"We need to keep him safe. We need guards in front of his house, _now_," Jane insisted. "I'm not giving Red John a reason to hurt anyone else." _Especially not a kid_.

"Cho says they've already called in for back-up, and in the meantime, him and Rigsby are staying there."

"Good. What are the plates?"

"8LSD691. Black 2008 Chevy Silverado."

"Okay. Lisbon, if this doesn't work out…" Jane took deep breath and stared at Kaylee and Lisa. "I can't take much more of this." He couldn't look at Lisbon as he spoke; he knew how his words would break her. "I can't. I'm sorry."


	27. Love

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the last several chapters! I really like seeing what you all think. The story will probably be around 34 chapters in total (maybe a bit longer but not much), so we're getting kind of close to the end! I hope you like this chapter - I enjoyed writing it :) **

* * *

**Chapter 27 – Love **

Jane wasn't sure why he decided to tell Lisbon how close he was to giving up. Perhaps it's because he couldn't stand the thought of leaving her without saying anything, without giving her a chance to say goodbye. He could tell that she was scared, and while he drove, she was racking her brain trying to come up with a way to fix it. To fix him.

"Lisbon? Is it all right if we stop off at the cemetery again? I'd like a proper visit." _Not one so obviously tainted by Red John_.

"Of course," she said cautiously.

"Thanks."

He turned down the long road leading to the cemetery, and made his way through the twists and turns until he found the spot he was looking for.

"Do you mind waiting here?" He asked, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

"Sure," Lisbon responded. She couldn't very well force her presence on him, and she figured he wouldn't be able to get into too much trouble. The gravesite was only twenty metres away, and well within her line of sight. "I'll be right here, okay?"

"Thanks," he answered, sneaking a quick look at her. Her expression contained nothing but concern and fear. "You're a good friend, Lisbon."

Her eyes softened, but none of the fear left them. _That sounded like goodbye_, Jane realized. That wasn't his intention. "I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" He tried to reassure her.

"Sure. Take your time." Lisbon attempted to hide her emotions, but Jane knew her too well; she couldn't fool him. Her instincts were telling her to call Sophie Miller, to get him some help. _But Sophie Miller is dead_, Lisbon reminded herself sadly. And there was no one else that he would trust.

Jane gave Lisbon one last small smile before walking over to his wife and daughter's graves. He carefully examined their headstones for any new messages from Red John. When he didn't find any, he sat on the headstone that rested in front of theirs. He didn't speak to his family this time; he didn't really believe that they were listening anyways, although he did find the idea rather comforting. _I can see why Lisbon buys into the whole afterlife thing_, he thought.

Jane allowed himself five minutes to be fully consumed by grief; he made sure to keep track of the time. When the five minutes were up, he reluctantly stood and returned to the car, trying to pull himself together and act normally again. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he really craved a hug from Lisbon, and so when he slid into the driver's seat, he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, hoping that she would reciprocate.

It took Lisbon a moment to get over her surprise, but then she responded by holding him tightly. She understood that he was trying to hold himself together, to stop from completely breaking down. "Jane, it's okay to let it out. Especially here," she murmured in his ear.

"No. Not now. Later, maybe. But I can't right now. Don't have the time," he muttered. So instead, he tried to put his mask back into place.

"I love you," Lisbon whispered suddenly, and then her eyes went wide with regret as she realized what she had said. _He's still grieving his dead wife, who is buried right over there! And now of all times, with Red John and his daughter's birthday… _

Jane froze too. Lisbon waited for him to pull away, waited for everything to come crashing down, but Jane only tightened his embrace. "I know. I love you too."

His words were so quiet that she almost missed them. She pulled back in shock and stared at him intently.

"You do?" A small smile played across her lips.

"Yeah. Sorry about that," Jane apologized. He saw the smile instantly disappear from her face, and he hastily added, "Believe me, it's nothing you should be happy about."

She leaned forward and hugged him again. "Yes, it _is_." She giggled then, sounding like a teenaged girl for a moment, before all traces of happiness melted away from her face and were replaced by solemnity.

"You can't die, Jane. You can't. You need to promise me."

Jane sighed. "I can't do that, Lisbon. And besides, you're better off without me anyways. You deserve so much more." He started the car, but she put her hand on his right wrist, stopping him from shifting the car out of park.

"You're an incredible person, Patrick Jane. I'm lucky to have you."

He still didn't believe her, but he offered her a small smile anyways.

* * *

They didn't say much on the drive back to CBI; they were both mulling over their earlier conversation. When Jane parked the car, Lisbon decided that they needed to clear a few things up. "Jane. What does this mean?"

He didn't pretend to not know what she was talking about. "We need to keep this to ourselves, at least for now. Haffner already knows how I feel about you. If he finds out we're together…" He sighed. "No one can know. Not even the team. We pretend nothing has changed. At least until he's been caught."

Lisbon nodded. She didn't like it, but she knew that he was right. She put her hand on the door handle when Jane grabbed her arm tightly.

"Wait!" He said urgently. "Don't move." He fixed her with an intense, wild stare and squeezed her arm even more tightly, to the point where Lisbon could feel the bruises beginning to form. "Three parking spaces to the left. Black 2008 Chevy Silverado, plates 8LSD691."


	28. Don't Forget

**Chapter 28 – Don't Forget**

"Oh my God. Oh my _God_!" Lisbon exclaimed. "Can you see if he's inside?"

Jane shook his head. "It's empty."

"Okay. I'm calling Cho. Listen, we haven't told anyone that Haffner is Red John. He could be walking around the CBI right now and no one would be the wiser. I think we need to tell Bertram, get everyone in the building on the lookout," Lisbon decided.

"No. First see if we can find security footage of him entering. We don't know for sure if he's inside."

"He probably figured out how to get around those," Lisbon pointed out. "Unless he got extremely cocky. It's worth a shot, but just because he's not on the cameras, that doesn't mean he's not in the building."

"Yeah, and for all we know, he's tapped all of our phones and will hear you when you call Cho to warn him," Jane said. "We need to go in ourselves."

Lisbon narrowed her eyes at him and chewed her bottom lip as she thought it over. Finally, she nodded.

* * *

Jane could not recall ever feeling more nervous entering the CBI building, even including the time when Rebecca killed Bosco's team. It was a place where they were supposed to be safe, but instead, it felt anything but.

He and Lisbon entered the bullpen and found the team working diligently. "Guys, we need to talk," Lisbon said quietly. They instantly took in the seriousness of her voice, and she could tell that it put them all on edge.

"Here?" Cho questioned, glancing around suspiciously.

Lisbon nodded. It wasn't like they had much of a choice in the matter. "Come here," she told them, and they gathered around.

"The car we're looking for. It's in the parking lot. Empty."

Rigsby's eyes widened, and Van Pelt's eyebrows shot upwards in surprise. Even Cho looked a little bit shocked.

"Van Pelt, can you access security footage to see if he's entered the building? He may have doctored it, but we need to check."

"Sure boss," Van Pelt moved back to her computer and entered a few keystrokes. Black-and-white security footage played on her screen. She scanned backwards, and all of them kept their eyes peeled for Haffner's familiar face.

"There," Jane said suddenly, having spotted him on the screen. "He's making no effort to hide. He either doesn't think that he needs to, or he wants us to know he's here."

"So he got here an hour ago," Rigsby said, noting the timestamp on the footage. "The question is, where is he now?"

"I'll scan through the different cameras to see if we can catch him," Van Pelt suggested, her fingers already moving furiously across the keyboard. The team waited with bated breath as she quickly scanned through the past hour's footage from one camera, then another, and another, until finally they found him.

"There! Going up to the attic!" Van Pelt announced triumphantly.

The team exchanged glances. "So, what, we just storm the attic?" Cho asked.

Jane couldn't believe their luck. _There has to be something we're missing. This is too easy_. "We need to prepare for the possibility that it's a trap," he told them.

"Jane, I know you don't want to do this, but we should talk to Bertram, tell him what's going on. We're close, okay? So close. But we can't, as Cho so eloquently put it, 'storm the attic' without first informing Bertram," Lisbon reasoned.

"Even if he's working for Red John, if we play it right, he won't be able to stop us," Cho whispered. "Jane, you and Lisbon go talk to Bertram while the three of us stand guard. If Haffner tries to escape, we shoot him."

Jane studied his colleagues carefully. They were all determined to end this, and Jane didn't see a better alternative, so he nodded his agreement.

* * *

"Excuse me, sir? Can we talk to you?" Lisbon said nervously, poking her head inside Bertram's spacious office. "It's kind of urgent."

"What is it, Agent?" Bertram asked, immediately apprehensive.

"We have reason to believe Red John is in the CBI attic right now, and Lisbon thought it was a good idea to warn you before we go take him down," Jane informed him. Lisbon had to resist the urge to punch him in the nose; she settled for rolling her eyes in his direction.

"You…what?!" Bertram was speechless.

"Look, we're wasting time, we'll explain it all to you after we catch him," Jane insisted.

"Sorry, sir, but Jane's right. There's a good chance it's a trap, but it's a risk we need to take, and we need to do it _now_," Lisbon added.

"I suppose this has something to do with the death of Rosalind Harker last night?" Bertram sighed, not needing a response. "Okay, go. But when this is over, we have some serious talking to do."

Lisbon nodded once. "Yes, sir."

Lisbon and Jane turned to leave when Bertram called them back. "Agent Lisbon?"

Both her and Jane paused and looked at their boss questioningly. "Good luck," he said softly. Lisbon gave him a small smile, and with a meaningful glance at Jane, the two of them hurried to join their teammates. _Either it's a trap, or Bertram is innocent. Or possibly both_, Jane thought. _He really didn't put up any resistance._

"Listen, Jane," Lisbon began as they rushed down the stairs, but he cut her off.

"I'm not staying here, Lisbon. There is no way. If anything, I should go up first, alone. See what his game is. If it's a trap, we shouldn't all rush in at once, and it'll be me that he expects."

"I know," she whispered, stopping suddenly. As much as she hated it, he was right. "I just wanted to tell you to be careful. Please? For me."

Jane pulled her into a hug. "I'll try," he murmured into her ear. "I promise. Love you."

"Love you too," Lisbon responded. There was a trace of a smile on her face, but it was largely overshadowed by fear and concern. "Don't forget that."


	29. One Bullet

**Chapter 29 – One Bullet**

Jane felt a strong sense of foreboding as he slowly climbed the stairs to the attic. Lisbon, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt were behind him, dressed in full combat gear. As he reached the door, they fell back, allowing him to finish the journey alone.

Jane pushed the door open and did a quick sweep of his surroundings. Ray Haffner was casually sitting on the bed and, just as he and Lisbon had done the previous evening, Haffner was going through Jane's box of photos, a cruel smile on his face. He was holding a gun loosely by his side, and there was a black laptop lying on the bed.

Jane was armed, of course – he strongly suggested it and Lisbon didn't argue – but in the split second it took Jane to assess the situation, Haffner had pointed his gun right at Jane's head.

"Why don't you toss me your gun, Patrick?" Haffner suggested casually.

Jane hesitated. He had promised Lisbon he would try to come out of this alive, and to do that he would have to give Haffner the gun. On the other hand, he could try to use his weapon for its intended purpose, and to hell with the consequences.

"Now Patrick, I don't think Teresa would appreciate it if you got yourself killed," Haffner said mockingly, as if he had read his opponent's mind. "But don't worry, she will be here soon enough. I have it all planned, you see. She will come, prepared to trade her life for yours, and you will watch her die."

_He doesn't know they're outside_, Jane realized. The knowledge made him almost giddy with anticipation. For the first time, he began to allow himself to believe that they might actually get Red John. Jane slowly bent down, keeping his eyes on Haffner at all times. He carefully laid his gun on the ground, but instead of kicking it towards Haffner, he kicked it behind him, towards the door.

Haffner laughed, as if he found the gesture amusing. "I only need one bullet," he pointed out, gesturing towards his own weapon.

Jane knew that Lisbon and the team were listening to everything that was happening, and that Lisbon wouldn't risk entering while Haffner had a gun trained on Jane's head unless it looked like Jane was about to die anyways.

"You know Patrick, your daughter was screaming for you as she died. She tried to tell me that I couldn't hurt her, because her daddy was coming. So I kept her alive a little bit longer, just so that she could see that you weren't. Would you like to hear?"

Jane's stomach dropped. "No," he said, somehow managing to keep his voice calm and steady.

Haffner chuckled cruelly. "I had a feeling you might say that. You know, I went through all the trouble of recording your family's last moments; the least you could do is say thank you."

Jane didn't say a word. Haffner cocked his gun. "Say thank you, Patrick," he repeated.

Jane forced himself to conjure the image of Lisbon's face, how she smiled after he told her that he loved her too. It helped to keep him calm. "Thank you." His voice was still composed and even.

"Well, you're very welcome!" Haffner leered at him. He leaned over towards the laptop and pressed a button.

"Daddyyyyyyy! Daddy help, he hurt mommy! Please, he's hurting me! Where are you?! Stop it! Stop it!" Charlotte's panicked voice filled the room, followed by a piercing scream. The girl was clearly terrified and in a great deal of pain. Jane could imagine the knife cuts that corresponded to each cry.

On the other side of the door, Lisbon felt her chest tighten. Part of her wanted to rush in right then and turn off the recording, to hold Jane and protect him forever.

"Boss?" Cho whispered, not wanting to alert Red John to their presence.

"We go in, we have about half a second of surprise before he reacts. Maybe less. If you have a shot, you take it. Everybody clear?" Lisbon's voice trembled slightly, despite her best efforts to stay calm. She knew that although their entry would put Jane in harm's way, if they waited too long he would probably do something impulsive that would put him in even more danger, and that was a risk she wasn't prepared to take.

Her team nodded in understanding. "Okay. On my signal," Lisbon told them. This was the hardest part – trying to pick the best moment to move in, the exact second that would maximize their chances of success, before Jane lost control and did something stupid. The sound of Charlotte's screams made it even harder for Lisbon to think; her instincts were telling her to go in right then, but she knew she had to be sure.

Inside, Jane was so close to breaking. Each of his daughter's shrieks was like a dagger stabbing into his gut, slowly sucking away his desire to live. Her cries became noticeably weaker over time, and he could hear her slowly dying. It was getting harder and harder to summon the image of Lisbon's smiling face. Instead, Jane focused on Red John, allowing pure, unadulterated rage to sustain him.

"Ray Haffner. What the hell happened to you to make you into someone as pathetic as Red John? I have to say, I thought you were better than that," Jane spat out.

"Hah. I eluded you and the CBI for a decade. And in the end, it was Lorelei who gave you that crucial piece of information. Her mistake, not mine," Haffner said confidently. "And before the sun sets, Teresa Lisbon will be dead. I thought it would be a rather fitting end to the day. Come here, Patrick."

"Now," Lisbon hissed. The team moved silently until Cho kicked in the door, announcing their arrival.


	30. Got Him

**Chapter 30 – Got Him**

Jane had the presence of mind to drop to the floor and cover his head, giving his four colleagues the opportunity to take advantage of Haffner's split-second distraction.

There were gunshots coming from all directions. Normally Jane hated the sound, but since they were drowning out his daughter's screams, he found himself relieved. The feeling was quickly replaced with fear; he knew Lisbon was right in the line of fire, but he couldn't see her. He could only watch as Haffner was pushed back against the bed in a hail of bullets, and as he fell to the floor in slow motion.

Jane didn't realize at first that the gunshots had stopped; his ears were ringing too loudly. Slowly he became aware again of his daughter's cries, and then he felt Lisbon's arms around him, holding him firmly.

She didn't say a word, just put one hand gently on the back of his neck and the other around his waist. Jane buried his face in her shoulder. "Please make it stop," he pleaded.

It took Lisbon a second to realize what he was referring to. The team had frozen in shock, allowing the sound clip to continue on a loop. Grace, who was closest to the bed, reached over and pushed the laptop shut. Lisbon felt some of the tension leave Jane's body as the silence took over.

Jane knew he had reached his breaking point, but he desperately didn't want to cry in front of Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt. Well, Van Pelt had seen him cry before – _cry because of a lie_, he realized absently – but this was quite different. So, he allowed Lisbon to hold him while he drew strength from her presence, from the sound of her heart beating, from the rise and fall of her chest. Even though the adrenaline pumping through her body caused her pulse and breathing to be rather fast, these were all signs that she was alive and safe.

After about a minute, the shock wore off enough for Jane to pull away, but only to look around at his friends. "Everybody okay?" He asked shakily.

Grace answered with a broad grin. "Yeah, we're good. You?"

"I'm okay," Jane told her. Truthfully, he wasn't sure _what_ he was, but he was unhurt and for now, that would do.

"Well, Haffner isn't," Cho remarked dryly, eliciting grins from Lisbon and Rigsby as well. The standard pulse-check was quite unnecessary, though Cho walked over and performed it anyways.

Jane stood up, still holding onto Lisbon's arm. They slowly walked over to Haffner, and saw his body riddled with bullet holes. Jane hadn't been the one to pull the trigger, but in the end, it didn't really matter. As if she knew what he was thinking, Lisbon put her free arm around him. "We're a team. We did this as a team. And we won," she said quietly, but loud enough so that the others could hear.

_We won_. Jane pondered those words. Had they really? His family was still dead. Tyler and Kaitlyn and Sara and Sam and Kristina and Sophie and Rosalind and Hailey and Kaylee and Lisa were all still dead, along with a rather long list of Red John's other victims. Haffner never felt regret, was never sorry for what he'd done, and that thought caused anger to build inside of Jane once again.

"We should tell Bertram," Lisbon said to no one in particular, interrupting Jane's thoughts. Truthfully, they still couldn't be sure that he wasn't working for Red John, but if he had, he probably would have done something to try and stop them.

Jane nodded, and mentally pushed his emotions aside. _I need to hold it together until Lisbon and I are alone_, he told himself. He just hoped that they would be alone sooner rather than later.

Lisbon seemed to sense how he was feeling. As the five of them walked down the stairs, she squeezed his hand, just as she had done many times before to let him know that she was there for him. Then, she leaned towards him and said so that only he could hear, "You're stronger than you think, Patrick, and I'm right here with you. It's almost over." He squeezed her hand back, and nodded.

* * *

Lisbon, Jane, Rigsby and Van Pelt filed into Bertram's office, where their boss was anxiously waiting. Cho had stayed behind to guard the scene. Bertram's eyes darted between each of them, trying to read what had happened, but their faces gave nothing away. "Well?" He asked impatiently.

Lisbon grinned. "Got him." There was a distinct note of pride in her voice.

Bertram's eyes widened. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. "You…you got him?"

"Yes, sir," Lisbon answered.

"Who was it? Do you have an ID?"

Lisbon's smile turned into a grimace. If Bertram truly had no idea, then this news was going to be difficult to break. "Ray Haffner," she said softly.

Jane watched Bertram closely for any signs of deception, but he saw only shock and disbelief.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Look, sir, you said that after this was all over, we need to sit down and talk, and I couldn't agree more, but with all due respect, my team has been working around the clock and we are all exhausted. It's probably going to take a few days for us to go through all of it with you, so is there any harm in waiting until tomorrow to start?" Lisbon was asking mostly for Jane, but she knew her entire team was drained and needed a break. They had earned it.

"I…well, no, I suppose there is no harm in that. But am I correct in assuming that Red John…err…Ray Haffner's body is still in the attic?"

"Yes sir, Cho is guarding it now. There's no need for us to be here while forensics processes the scene, is there?"

"No, no I suppose there isn't. Which one of you took him down?" Bertram asked.

"Myself and Agents Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt all took shots at him, sir. We're not sure which was the fatal one," Lisbon replied.

Bertram's eyes narrowed suspiciously as he glanced between Lisbon and Jane, but he didn't question her. "Well then, I'm going to need your weapons. Agent Cho's as well. And until we have something concrete to tell the press, this stays quiet. Understood?"

The three agents nodded. They unholstered their weapons and placed them on Bertram's desk before leaving.

* * *

After taking care of the necessary logistics, the team gathered their belongings in the bullpen, getting ready to head home. Forensics had just begun on the attic, and anything else could be dealt with tomorrow.

"I can't believe it's over. It hasn't sunk in yet," Grace commented.

"Yeah, it feels strange," Rigsby agreed.

"Yes. Yes it does," Jane mused.

"Give it time. It's a big change," Cho shrugged.

"Maybe it doesn't feel like it's over because we're leaving without case-closed pizza," Rigsby suggested, earning chuckles all around. Even Jane grinned slightly.

"Are you kidding? We deserve a case-closed pay raise," Lisbon joked. "But for now, just get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow, we'll deal with the fall-out."


	31. The Red Box

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed the last several chapters! We're definitely nearing the end now. I had originally intended to end with this chapter, but then there were several loose ends and a couple of other scenes that I wanted to write, so that's what the following chapters will be. **

**I hope you like this chapter! It's the longest one I've ever written :P**

* * *

**Chapter 31 – The Red Box**

As soon as Jane and Lisbon entered her apartment, she dropped everything she was holding and pulled him towards her. He responded immediately, holding onto her as if his life depended on it.

"You're safe now. We have all the time in the world," she assured him. "Do you want to sit down?"

She felt him nod against the side of her head. "Okay, come on." She tried to pull away, to make walking easier, but he wouldn't let her. "Jane? We're just gonna go to the couch."

She felt him sigh, and he released her just enough to allow her to walk without tripping. When they reached the couch Jane collapsed onto it, pulling her down with him. He laid a tender kiss on the top of her head.

"How are you feeling?" Lisbon asked gently, cautiously. She remembered how he had told her that his initial plan was to kill himself after Red John was dead. Even though he claimed that he no longer wanted to, Red John's death was a huge change in Jane's life, and she was worried about how he would deal with it.

"They're still gone, Lisbon. Red John is dead but it didn't really change anything," Jane whispered, choking back a sob. It was a hard truth; one that he knew already, but hadn't quite prepared for. He thought he would feel ecstatic, but instead he just felt empty.

"This doesn't change the past, Patrick. But it does change the future."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does." He still sounded miserable.

"I think you need to give yourself time. You've been so focused on Red John for so long, it's going to be hard suddenly not chasing him all the time. And you need to let yourself accept that your wife and daughter are gone, and now there's nothing more you can do for them except learn to live your life again."

"Lisbon, you heard her screaming. I keep replaying it in my head; it won't stop. She's just begging me to save her. And I wasn't there. Not only was I not there, but it was my fault that Red John came for them in the first place." Jane's eyes were filled with tears that threatened to spill over at any minute.

Lisbon pulled out of his embrace slightly, freeing her arms so that she could hold him, rather than the other way around. "Let it out, Patrick. All of the guilt, all of the pain, just let it all out. I'm right here. I won't let go." She dimly recalled uttering similar words to him after his nightmare, the night Sara's family was killed. It seemed to have helped, but in the intervening week he had kept everything bottled up, and it had certainly taken its toll.

Jane closed his eyes, and recalled his daughter's screams for the thousandth time in the past couple of hours. He could picture her, being slowly murdered alongside her mother. Today was supposed to be Charlotte's eighteenth birthday; thanks to him, she never made it that far. A huge sob ripped out of his chest, and he finally allowed himself to grieve.

* * *

Jane cried for nearly two hours. Lisbon didn't try to offer him platitudes or false reassurances; she simply held him and made sure he knew he wasn't alone. Even after his sobs subsided, she didn't say a word. She continued to hold him, waiting for him to make the first move. Eventually, he tilted his head up towards hers, and kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, only a hint of what was to come, but it left an exhilarated smile on Lisbon's face.

"Thank you, Teresa. For everything," he said earnestly. Jane felt much calmer, much safer, and much less alone.

Her eyes twinkled. "Thank _you_," she whispered. "For not giving up." Then, her expression became serious and she asked him the question that had been nagging at the back of her mind for the past few days, "What are your plans now?"

Jane caught the apprehension in her voice, and gave her a quick, reassuring kiss. He knew what she was really asking, and he had been thinking about this for a while. "Well, Sam's funeral is in three days. I'd like to attend, and maybe stick around for a little while. Make sure Pete's doing okay. And I'd like to go to as many of the funerals as possible. After that…I don't know. Business as usual, I guess."

"You want to stay with the CBI?" Lisbon clarified. She wanted to make sure she wasn't misunderstanding, but there was already a smile on her face.

"I want to stay with _you_," Jane corrected, returning her smile. "If you're at CBI, then I'm there with you. I will probably need some time off – there are some things I have to take care of – but I'll be back."

"What sort of things?" The concerned look was back in Lisbon's eyes.

"Well, it's like you said. I need to deal with everything that I've avoided for ten years. Part of that is figuring out what to do with my Malibu home, and everything inside of it. I've left most of it the same as it was before, because it hurt too much to go through and pack things away or throw them out completely. But I think it's something that I have to do. I don't think I'm quite ready to sell it yet, but I do need to start going through everything," Jane paused and gave Lisbon a serious look. "I could use some help with that," he said tentatively, carefully watching her reaction.

"Of course," Lisbon smiled. "Anything you need."

"Thank you, Teresa," he said gratefully, before kissing her again. But when he pulled away, Lisbon immediately noticed the sadness in his eyes, along with something else. _Fear? Longing?_

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

Jane gave her a sad smile. "There's one more thing I need to do. Tonight, I think. And if you're up to it, I'd like you to be with me when I do."

"Sure," Lisbon said, wondering what he was getting at. "What is it?"

Jane unwrapped his arms from around Lisbon's petite body and reached towards her coffee table, where the box from Sara was still sitting. He slowly picked it up, and placed it on his lap.

"You know…this is the last I have of Charlotte. I mean, there's stuff at the house, but none of it is new. I've seen it all before. This…this is almost like getting to talk to her one last time, in a roundabout way. But after we go through this box for the first time, I'll never get that again. She'll really be gone."

Lisbon felt her heart break for what must have been the hundredth time. "But you still want to open it?" She asked, wanting to make sure.

"Yes, and no. But I do think it's something that I _need_ to do, and since today is her birthday, it seems appropriate." Jane's eyes glistened with tears. He was sick of crying, but he had a feeling that he'd be doing a lot of it in the coming weeks. Maybe it would end up being good for him.

"If you're not ready, you don't need to do it now. There's always her nineteenth birthday," Lisbon pointed out. "I don't want you to force yourself. If you're not okay with it, if you're not ready just yet, that's fine. It's a process, Patrick. It will take time." Truth be told, she was still concerned about his mental health. She had a feeling that she would be for a while.

"I think, the longer I wait, the worse it will be. I don't feel ready, Lisbon, but that hasn't changed for ten years. It won't change unless I make it change. And it's hard enough now; I don't think I'll be able to do it if it gets even harder," he said shyly. He wasn't used to being this honest; he hadn't talked so openly with anyone other than Angela.

"Okay. I just don't want you do feel like you _have_ to do it right now," Lisbon said.

"I know. Thanks, Teresa," Jane replied. He gave her another sad smile.

Lisbon pulled him close so that he was once again resting his head on her shoulder. "I'm right here with you."

Jane nodded. He waited a few seconds as he steeled himself, and then sat back up. He made sure Lisbon's arms were still around him, and then he carefully lifted the lid off of the box.

The first thing he saw was a journal; it was the kind that little kids use in school, with half a page blank for pictures and half a page with spread-out lines specifically designed for their large handwriting. Jane picked it up and studied the cover, where his daughter had carefully printed her name, _Charlotte Anne Jane_; the name of her teacher, _Mrs. Lichelli_; and the room number, _205_.

Jane glanced over at Lisbon. She gave him a reassuring smile and gently rubbed his shoulders, trying to comfort him.

"You know…when I said that this is like getting to talk to her one last time, I didn't think it would be quite so direct," Jane said. He wasn't sure whether he was happy about it or not. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and opened it to the first page. It was dated Monday September 23, 2002, less than nine months before Charlotte and her mother were killed.

_I had a really fun weekend. Sara came over and we played at the beach. Daddy helped us make a big castle, and then he showed us how to swim backstroke! Then we played Frisbee. Daddy and me were on one team and Sara and Mommy were on the other team. We won one game and they won one game. Sara slept over and we stayed up really late. Then in the morning we had waffles made specially for us! They were super yummy._

Charlotte had drawn a picture of the four of them playing Frisbee, large red grins on all of their faces.

The memory brought a smile to Jane's face, although his cheeks were shiny with tears. With trembling hands, he turned the page to read the next entry. There was one per week, every Monday. He read each one several times, no doubt committing the words to memory.

It wasn't long before Lisbon had tears running down her own cheeks as well. All of the entries had one thing in common – a very happy little girl who was doted on by her parents. She had known that Jane must have been an excellent father; he was always so good with kids that they encountered on the job. But seeing it written here, in his daughter's journal, made it even more real. It also emphasized what he had lost, when Red John had killed Charlotte and Angela.

As they read the last entry in the month of April, Jane stopped. It took Lisbon a moment before she understood. "Patrick? The next one will talk about her birthday, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And we're almost at the end. There's only four more entries."

"Are you okay with what we've read so far?"

"Yeah, I am. I miss her, Teresa. A lot. I miss doing all of the things that she is describing," he sighed. "Angela and I, we didn't exactly have the best upbringings. We never got to just be kids. We wanted Charlotte to have a real childhood, to do all of the things that we never could. We wanted her to know that her parents love her, in a way that we never got to experience. And at the same time, when we played with her, it was like we got a second chance to be kids also. It's hard now, to remember what that was like. I mean, it's painful, but also, their lives have been overshadowed by their deaths. Really though, this is what I should remember. This is what they'd want me to remember."

Lisbon smiled. "Yeah, it is. And Patrick, it's clear that Charlotte idolized you. You shouldn't doubt that for even a second. She knew how much you love her. You were a fantastic father."

"I got her killed. I got both of them killed. This doesn't change that," he told her seriously. His tone said that he considered the matter closed.

"One day, Patrick, you are going to forgive yourself. You're going to accept that it wasn't your fault," Lisbon whispered.

Jane sighed again, and looked down at the journal in his hands. He slowly turned the page, revealing a drawing of Charlotte on a pink bicycle, with her father behind her.

_It was my birthday on Friday and Mommy and Daddy gave me a bike! It's pink and it has pretty ribbons on it, just like I wanted. I don't know how to ride it yet, but Daddy is going to teach me. It was rainy all weekend so we couldn't, but today it's sunny so maybe when I get home from school! _

"Did you?" Lisbon asked.

"Hmm?"

"Did you get a chance to show her how to ride a bike when she got home from school?"

Jane closed his eyes for a moment as he searched his memory. "No, it started pouring rain about an hour before her school let out. She was really upset about it. The next day though, it was beautiful weather. We spent all evening outside together."

Lisbon smiled, but Jane couldn't bring himself to return it. She began gently rubbing his shoulders again, to offer him comfort in any way that she could. "Do you want to keep going?"

He nodded, and turned the page. Charlotte talked about her progress riding the bike, and then how she had helped her mother plant some flowers. Then, they reached the final entry.

_"Mommy and Daddy FINALLY said we can go to the carnival! They come in August which is a long time to wait but right now they're really far away, so we can't go now. I get to see where Mommy and Daddy grew up and I'm SO EXCITED! _

"Really? You never took her?" It surprised Lisbon.

"I never took her," Jane confirmed. His despondent voice was tinged with bitterness and regret. "She had wanted to for years, but Angela and I didn't want to go back. We never told her why we wouldn't take her, but then she overheard us discussing it one night." Jane chuckled at the memory; as upset as he was, he couldn't resist. "Lisbon, I think that was the most excited I'd ever seen her, finding out that her parents grew up as carnies. It only made her want to go even more. So Angela and I finally decided to bite the bullet and take her, but they died before we got a chance."

"Why didn't you want to go back?"

"Our families weren't exactly thrilled when we left. I haven't spoken to my father since, actually; he never forgave me. And Angela's parents blamed me for taking her away…you saw how Danny was. It wasn't going to be a happy reunion, as long as our families were still with the circuit. We didn't want to go through all of that and we certainly didn't want Charlotte there for when it all went south."

His response led to a number of other questions that Lisbon was dying to ask, but she decided it would be better to save them for later. Jane was already re-hashing enough of his past; she didn't want to bury him in it.

Instead, Lisbon changed the subject. "Well, that's it for the journal. Are you okay?" She had that worried look again.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Let's see what else is in this box, shall we?" Jane gave her a brave smile.

"Sounds like a plan," Lisbon grinned. She was still worried, but she knew not to push him.

Jane reached back into the box and pulled out a stack of about twenty photos. Many of them were of Sara and Charlotte, but several also had Patrick and Angela in them. Just like the journal entries, the photos showed two very happy kids and doting parents. Jane was silent as he slowly flipped through each one. He didn't offer a commentary and Lisbon didn't ask. When he had finished, he carefully put them on the coffee table, on top of the journal.

The last thing in the box was a card made out of red construction paper. The words _Happy Fathers' Day_ were carefully printed on the front in black marker, and Charlotte had drawn some playing cards on the top, clearly displaying the ace of spades.

"She died just before Fathers' Day," Jane whispered. "Do you think this is what she was going to give me?" He was pretty sure that it was, but he didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing.

"It would seem so. Would it have been like her to make it at Sara's house, so that you wouldn't accidentally see it?"

Jane smiled slightly, and nodded. "Yeah, she did that for Mothers' Day too," he recalled.

"Well then, there you go," Lisbon smiled. "Open it," she gently encouraged him.

Jane opened the card, and a small object fell out of it. He picked it up and examined it. It was a carefully braided twine keychain with black beads spelling out "D-A-D" in white letters, obviously handmade.

He studied it for a moment, and clasped it in his hand. A small smile graced his lips, and then his focus shifted to the card.

_Happy Fathers' Day! _

_Thanks for being the best daddy ever. _

_I love you forever and always. _

_Love, Charlotte_

Jane was now smiling broadly through his tears, and Lisbon gave him a gentle hug. He examined the card for several minutes before he placed it back in the box.

"Well?" Lisbon asked. She was smiling also.

"Thank you for being here, Teresa. I…I'm glad we did this. Sad that it's over, but I'm okay," he assured her.

"Glad to hear it." She leaned over and kissed him tenderly. She knew they wouldn't go any further than kissing that night, but she was content just to have him there with her, safe and sound.

"You ready to sleep?" Jane asked her. He was exhausted and he could tell that she was too.

"Yeah. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day," Lisbon replied, eyeing him uncertainly. She had picked up on Jane's hesitation the past several nights about sleeping in the same bed as her, and although things had changed between them, she wasn't sure if he would still be reluctant.

"What is it?" Jane asked.

She decided to tell him the truth. "It makes you uncomfortable sleeping in the bed with me."

Jane's expression filled with confusion, then quickly changed to understanding. "No, it doesn't. It makes me very comfortable, actually," he told her. He gave her a small, cheeky grin before he became serious again. "I didn't want to get used to being that comfortable if it wasn't going to last. It would made it a lot harder to go back to sleeping alone…and we both know I have enough trouble sleeping as it is," he confessed.

Lisbon was completely caught off-guard by his answer. The thought hadn't even occurred to her. "And now?" She asked.

He grinned again, and there was a twinkle in his eyes. "Now, I think I would rather be comfortable."


	32. Loose Ends

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I was blown away by the comments for the last chapter. That was one of the first chapters I wrote and I had always planned on having the Fathers' Day card in the box, it was just a coincidence that I ended up posting the chapter so close to Fathers' Day. I'm glad you guys liked it!**

**Chapter 32 – Loose Ends**

Lisbon and Jane entered CBI together. They had decided to wait before announcing their relationship, but they weren't going to go out of their way to hide it, either. However, Lisbon wanted to keep things professional at the office regardless of whether or not people knew. Jane had expected as much, but he refused to make any promises.

The bullpen was empty; the two of them were the first people to arrive. Lisbon went to her office and Jane followed, plopping himself down on her couch as if it was his own.

Just as Lisbon was sitting down at her desk, her phone rang. She and Jane exchanged glances, both of them thinking the same thing. A phone call first thing in the morning had signified a dead body every day for the last week. Even though Red John was dead, they couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive. Jane had a feeling that it would take a while for the anxiety to go away.

"Lisbon," she said, by way of greeting. Relief flooded her face as she listened to the person on the other end. "Yes sir, the rest of the team should be here shortly. Nine o'clock sounds fine. Thank you, sir."

Lisbon hung up her phone and turned to Jane. "That was Bertram. He wants to start the debriefings at nine."

"We've got a lot to tell him," Jane commented. "And a few loose ends that need to be tied up. The most important one being, who are Red John's friends in law enforcement? And related to that, how did he know we saw Rosalind Harker? I mean, he obviously didn't have enough warning to kill her before we got there, which was lucky for us, but he found out _somehow_."

Lisbon nodded. "We're also waiting for several evidence reports to come back still. Including the one that will tell us whose blood he used on Charlotte's gravestone. And I'm not sure exactly how far Van Pelt got with Haffner's communications. That will hopefully help out identifying his accomplices."

"And then there's how we actually managed to get him, in the end. He thought he had me trapped. He thought that he was going to use me to draw you in, and then kill you in front of me." Jane winced at the thought of it. "He had no idea that you guys were right outside. He must have known though, that we knew who he was, because he knew we had gone to see Rosalind Harker."

"But he didn't know that we knew what kind of car he was driving. Or the plates. God, that little kid deserves a medal. Because if we hadn't known, and you hadn't seen the car in the parking lot, it would have worked out exactly like he thought." Lisbon shuddered, imagining how much worse things could have turned out. "We got lucky. Really lucky."

* * *

The team was required to give separate statements, but Bertram had wanted to be brought up to speed and to discuss press options – they had not yet found a replacement for Brenda Schettrick – and this took up most of the morning. Even considering that the worst serial killer in California history was a CBI agent who had been right under their noses for years, Bertram was in an incredibly good mood. He had called a press conference for 2pm that afternoon, but he hadn't specified what it was about, which only seemed to add to his excitement. It was clear that he was looking forward to seeing the journalists' reactions firsthand.

"So, this kid that saw the vehicle. Where is he now?" Bertram asked.

"Since you wanted to keep this quiet, we left him at home, with security still there," Cho replied.

"Well, should we give him some sort of acknowledgement? Publicly?" It was clear that Bertram didn't want to share the spotlight, but he also didn't want to get caught taking the credit away from a nine-year-old.

"I don't think so, sir. Red John's friends are still out there, and we don't want to risk one of them trying to retaliate against the boy. In our notes we just refer to him as an anonymous witness, with no other information given. Like we said, there are still things we need to sort out, and we may never know the true extent of his network. I think right now, we should keep things simple with the press. Red John has been extremely active in the little while, and because of that we were able to determine his identity, set up a trap and nail him. Of course, we intended to take him into custody, but he was about to shoot us, so we had no choice but to defend ourselves." She realized as she was speaking that this was Jane's plan all along. He wanted the recording of Harker identifying Red John as evidence so that it _looked_ like they were planning on capturing him alive. Which, of course, had been Lisbon's honest intention, but Jane had known that it would never happen that way. Haffner had too, for that matter.

"And we should say something about the victims. All of them," Lisbon added. "It's important that people don't forget. Even though it sounds really great, that Red John is gone, it's important to remember all of the people he killed. This is a victory, but it cost a great deal."

"Yes, yes, of course. And it helps to remind people what an excellent thing this is, that Red John is dead," Bertram agreed. Lisbon frowned; that wasn't quite what she had meant. The corners of Jane's mouth tugged upward slightly as he saw Lisbon's dismay.

"And his real identity? Are you going to release that?" Rigsby asked.

"Well, we don't really have a choice," Bertram sighed. "'We were shocked and appalled to discover that Red John was a former CBI employee,' you know, something along those lines. Emphasize 'former employee.'"

Bertram glanced at the clock. "Okay, we've got about an hour. I think we're ready to go, so why don't you all go and freshen up before the press conference?"

The team smiled and nodded, but as they got up to leave, Bertram called Jane and Lisbon back. "Can I speak with you two for a minute?"

"Sure," Lisbon said. She instantly had her guard up.

Bertram waited for Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt to exit before he spoke, turning directly to Jane. "Look, I know this case has been hard on everyone, but it must have been especially hard on you, Jane."

Jane didn't respond; what was he supposed to say? So he just waited for Bertram to continue.

"Well, I'd like to know what your plans are going forward. I mean, you've obviously got a job here if you want it…"

"I will need some time off to take care of some things, but I would like to stay with CBI." Jane kept his voice casual.

"What sort of time off are we talking, Mr. Jane?" Now it was Bertram who looked suspicious.

"Well, there are a number of funerals I'd like to attend in the coming week, and I'm not quite sure how much time after that. A month, maybe a bit shorter or longer, depending how things go."

Bertram sighed, but nodded. "And you, Agent Lisbon?"

"Sir?" Lisbon was confused.

"Well, this is a career-making case, Agent. Have you given any thought to where you would like to go from here?"

"I…um…not really," Lisbon said, flabbergasted. She hadn't been expecting this quite so soon. "For now, I think I'll just stay where I am. It's going to be a hectic few weeks. Besides, I'm happy with my team. There might come a time in the future when I'm ready for a job that involves less fieldwork, but right now, I don't have any big plans."

Bertram studied her for a moment, and then nodded. "Well. Glad to hear it. That will be all," he said, dismissing them.

* * *

The press conference had been oddly amusing. Normally, the team hated them, but this one filled them with pride. They had decided not to take any questions, but that didn't stop the journalists from shouting them out anyways.

However, after the conference was over, the team returned to the bullpen to discuss their plan of action. They all wanted this case done with, but to do that there were still several things that needed to be sorted out.

"Okay, Van Pelt, I want you to focus on the communications aspect of things. Have Rigsby help. Right now, our biggest priority is finding out who Red John's friends are, particularly those in law enforcement. Cho and I will go through all of the reports that are coming back, and all the ones that we haven't had a chance to go through yet, and see if we can tie up any other loose ends," Lisbon decided.

Sighing, she turned to Jane. "Which would you rather do?" She knew that ordering him to do something would have limited usefulness, and besides, his skills would be quite helpful regardless of which task he was given.

"Emails. But right now, I need to make a phone call," he replied. There was a strange expression on his face that she couldn't quite read. She nodded once, and he headed to the elevator, clearly wanting to make this phone call in private. _And since his attic is currently a crime scene, I guess that isn't an option_, Lisbon remembered.

* * *

Jane returned from his phone call clearly troubled, though he was doing his best to mask it. Given everything else that had happened, his cheery behaviour felt fake. _Besides_, Lisbon thought,_ his eyes are telling a whole other story_. She made a mental note to talk to him about it later, because whatever it was, she knew he wouldn't want to talk about it in front of the team. If he did, he would have brought it up on his own. _And he wouldn't be trying very hard to pretend that nothing is wrong_.

"The blood on Charlotte's gravestone belonged to Hailey Lyle," Cho said abruptly, breaking into Lisbon's train of thought. Jane's head snapped up, but then he sighed and returned to the emails that he was supposed to be analyzing.

"Okay. Well, I'm glad there wasn't a secret victim somewhere," Lisbon said, mostly to acknowledge that she had heard him. "That's one mystery solved."

"Lisbon?" Jane called from across the room. He was frowning.

"What is it? You found something?"

"Not yet. I just thought you might want to call your friend Mary. I mean, it's bound to be all over the news by now…but you did tell her you'd call her and tell her yourself," Jane shrugged.

Now, it was Lisbon's turn to frown. She wasn't particularly looking forward to telling Mary that the witness she'd helped them find had gotten killed. But, she supposed that Jane had a point; she did owe Mary a phone call.

* * *

It took the better part of the day for Van Pelt, Rigsby and Jane to go through the remainder of Haffner's emails with a fine-tooth comb. They ended up sorting them based on cases that they related to.

"Okay, so he used his work email so that he could disguise his communications as legitimate work-related things. That means that all of his communications to his inside people are here somewhere. We know from looking at the ones to Rebecca, O'Laughlin, Carter and Lennon that he used a certain pattern of speech different from his other emails, but only slightly. And despite appearing legitimate, if you look into the details of the message they don't correspond with any cases or anything that Haffner would have been working on," Jane mused.

"Yeah, and now all we have to do is go through all of his other emails that didn't have an immediately obvious case connected to them, and see what doesn't add up," Rigsby added, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Okay, we need a plan of attack. Let's start with times where we would expect Red John to communicate with his inside man. Most recent first?" Grace suggested.

Jane nodded. "Start with the time that Jason Lennon was in the hospital. I guess we don't know if it's the most recent, but it certainly would have led to some sort of communication between Haffner and an inside man."

"On it," Grace said, fingers already flying across her keyboard. "Okay, there's 53 emails starting from the time Lennon was captured until his death at the hospital. That represents communications with 22 people."

"Twenty-two. That's a manageable number. Sort the emails by person, and include Haffner's responses. We'll go through them one by one," Jane told her.

Grace nodded, and within minutes all of the emails had been sorted and printed. The three of them began the tedious task of analyzing each one. They had made it through fourteen when they reached Bob Kirkland.

"This guy. This guy is creepy," Rigsby commented.

"That he is," Jane muttered. "Doesn't necessarily make him guilty, but he had no clear reason to be involved with Red John and yet he always seemed to be there. He was guarding Lennon at the hospital; it's interesting that he was also emailing Haffner at the same time."

"Look at this! 'Thanks for your help, we've successfully dealt with the security breach.' From Kirkland to Haffner, an hour after Lennon died," Grace said excitedly.

"That's pretty bad code," Rigsby frowned.

"Only if you know what you're looking for. What are some of the earlier conversations?" Jane asked.

"It starts after Lennon was captured. From Haffner to Kirkland, 'I have a possible threat to security that I wanted to bring to your attention. It's flimsy, but could pan out so I thought you might want to keep an eye on things,'" Grace read out.

"Okay, so assuming the threat is Lennon, 'flimsy' could be that Haffner didn't think it likely that Lennon would talk, or thought that Lennon might die on his own without intervention. When I got to the hospital, Lennon was in cardiac arrest. Kirkland was the only other person there. He told me that Lennon's heart gave out and Lennon hadn't said a word. Kirkland could have done something," Jane said, frustration seeping into his voice.

"Okay, but all of this is circumstantial," Rigsby pointed out.

"The hospital must have security cameras. We didn't look into them at the time because there was no reason to. It wasn't even our case," Jane said, annoyed.

"We're on it," Van Pelt said as she stood up. Her and Rigsby left quickly; they wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

* * *

"Wow, okay," Lisbon said. Jane had just filled her in on what he, Rigsby and Van Pelt had found. "Kirkland. He always did give me the creeps."

"Yeah," Jane said, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally.

Lisbon narrowed her eyes as she studied him. He definitely seemed off. "Jane, what's going on? What was that phone call about?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," Jane replied automatically.

Lisbon frowned. "You can talk to me, Patrick," she said, deliberately using his first name.

Jane sighed. "I know. I know I can. I'm just not used to having someone like that," he said, offering her a small smile. "I spoke with Pete. He said he's okay with me being at the funeral."

"You thought he wouldn't?" Lisbon wasn't following him.

"I wasn't sure. He blames me, Lisbon. And he should. I wouldn't have gone if he didn't want me there. But I think he'll come around; he blames me, but he doesn't hate me. I think catching Red John helped with that. He just wanted to give me a heads up, though. My father and Angela's family will be at Sam's funeral."

Lisbon noticed a flash of apprehension in Jane's eyes as he spoke. "Are you still going to go?"

"Pete wants me there anyways, but he said it's up to me. I know he wouldn't appreciate a graveside brawl. Sam wouldn't either, for that matter. The Ruskins came to Angela and Charlotte's funeral and it didn't go too badly, so I'm not as worried about them, though it could go either way," Jane said, rubbing his face.

"And your father?"

Jane's eyes hardened. "No idea. For all I know he'll try to shoot me." He was only half joking. "I don't know if I'll go. I want to, but I don't want to ruin it. And I don't want to see my father."

"Would it help if I go with you?"

"Thank you, Teresa," Jane said, giving her an appreciative smile. "I don't know if it's such a good idea though. Angela's family probably won't take kindly to it. And my father will have a field day."

"What if I go with you as a colleague? Everyone seems to be able to tell I'm a cop anyways; it's close enough to the truth that it should be easy to sell."

"Not as easy as you'd think. I'd like that, though. I'll clear it with Pete first, to make sure."

"Patrick Jane, are you asking him for permission?" Lisbon teased.

He didn't return her smile. "I don't want to make this any worse than it has to be. I owe them that."

Lisbon's smile turned from teasing to sympathetic, and she nodded gently. "Fair enough. You let me know what he says, okay?"

"Will do. Thanks."

"Patrick, I'll go with you to all of the funerals. You shouldn't go alone." Lisbon looked him right in the eyes so that he knew she was serious.

Jane leaned towards her and wrapped his arms around her, before gently kissing her. "Thank you," he murmured. "Sara, Tyler and Kaitlyn's funeral is tomorrow. Sam's is the day after. Kristina's and Sophie's are both the day after that, but they're at different times. I don't believe a date has been set for Hailey's, Kaylee and Lisa's, or Rosalind Harker's."

Lisbon's stomach tightened as she heard him recite all of the victims' names. She wasn't even sure when he'd had time to contact the families to find out about funeral arrangements. "You shouldn't feel guilty, Patrick."

He raised an eyebrow. "I do, though. That's not going to stop anytime soon."

"We'll work on that," Lisbon promised. "Let me know the details for the other funerals, okay? I'll be there with you."

Jane tightened his arms around her and gave her a gentle kiss. "Thank you."

They were interrupted by a phone call from Rigsby. Lisbon's eyebrows raised as she listened, and then knit together as she tried to come up with a plan. "Okay you know what? Bring it back here, and we'll hang on to it. We need to be absolutely sure about this before we go after him, so we're gonna need more, but at least it's something."

She hung up the phone and turned to Jane. "Kirkland was on the tape. It shows him going into Lennon's room, then Lennon goes into cardiac arrest and the nurses all rush in. He steps into the hallway, and then it shows you arriving about a minute later. It's promising, but far from hard evidence."

"I have a feeling that's how it's gonna be," Jane said, shaking his head.


	33. Funerals and Amends

**This is the penultimate chapter! Let me know what you think :) I'll probably post the last chapter sometime tomorrow.**

**Sorry for the lack of description of the funerals - I've only ever been to Catholic funerals, and that really didn't seem to fit with the characters. I hope you enjoy the chapter regardless!**

* * *

**Chapter 33 – Funerals and Amends**

The Perez family funeral was in Santa Monica. Jane and Lisbon left early in the morning in order to arrive in time. It was a lovely service; Sara's aunt and uncle had gone with the plans that Sara had put into place for Tyler and Kaitlyn. After it was over, Jane and Lisbon didn't linger; Jane really wanted to be alone. _Well, alone with Lisbon_, he amended.

They figured they would stay in town for the night, so that they were close by for Sam's funeral the following day. They'd have to return to Sacramento afterwards for the remaining funerals, but when all of that was over, Jane would go back to visit Pete.

Considering the reason they were in town, Jane found the evening to be surprisingly enjoyable. Being able to spend time with Lisbon was incredibly relaxing. He was still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened, but it was very comforting to be able to lie down next to her, and not feel pressured to say anything. So, he was rather annoyed when, just after 4:00pm, Lisbon's phone rang.

"Lisbon," she said automatically. Jane felt his stomach clench; he still couldn't shake the connection between Lisbon getting a phone call and finding out someone else had been killed.

"Oh. Wow, okay. Yeah, keep me posted. Thanks for letting me know. Bye," Lisbon said. Her eyebrows knit tightly together and she was chewing her lower lip, clearly displaying her confusion.

"What is it?" Jane asked. A hint of fear coloured his voice.

"It seems there have been an uptick in suicide-by-cyanide cases today. Fifty-three, including Bob Kirkland, Judge Manchester, Brett Partridge, and Sean Barlow."

Jane's eyebrows shot upward. "What?"

"And, they all left the same note. 'My master is dead, and so am I,'" Lisbon quoted. "Signed with the smiley face. Rigsby says that they're going to be going through the names one by one. The thing is, even if we assume that these are all followers of Red John, we don't know if _all_ of them killed themselves today. There could still be others out there. At this point, though, it seems improbable that we'll ever find out."

"Hm," Jane responded. "I guess so."

"That's it? 'I guess so?'"

"What else do you want me to say, Lisbon? Red John is dead. We can assume that 53 of his disciples are dead as well. He has taken far too much of my life. I'm not going to let him take even more by hunting down people who may or may not even exist. Not without a reason to believe that there are still followers out there. There are things about Red John that we may never know. Maybe the list of followers that we have now will clear things up, and maybe not, but he's gone, and it's just not worth it any more."

Lisbon smiled at his outburst and felt a surge of affection for her consultant. He was trying so hard to move on. "You're right. It's definitely time for you to take your life back."

* * *

Jane awoke to a stream of sunlight shining through the curtains. It didn't take long before he realized that Teresa Lisbon was curled up against his chest; her chestnut hair spilled over her cheeks, framing her face. She looked perfectly content, and Jane remained still, watching her sleep. Within minutes, however, she opened her eyes and yawned.

"Morning," she mumbled.

"Good morning," Jane responded softly.

"How did you sleep?" Even half-asleep, Lisbon was concerned about him.

"Okay. Not great, but could have been much worse," Jane said, gently kissing the top of her head as he spoke. Truthfully, his nerves had woken him up every hour or two, not even giving him a chance to dream.

"Worried about today?"

"Mhm," Jane admitted. "I haven't seen my father in a long time. And we didn't exactly part amicably."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lisbon offered.

"No. Another time, maybe. Not now." It was far too long of a story for Jane to want to go into that morning.

"Okay," Lisbon said. She leaned up and pressed her lips to his, to let him know that it really was okay.

"We should get ready," Jane murmured. Lisbon nodded, and they reluctantly got out of bed.

* * *

Sam's graveside funeral was packed with people; the officiant needed a microphone in order to be heard by everyone. Lisbon spotted Danny Ruskin in the crowd, but he appeared to be alone; she wasn't able to identify his parents. However, she noticed how Jane's eyes flickered towards their right, in the direction of a man who could only be his father. Alex Jane's hair was greying, and it wasn't curly like his son's, but his eyes were identical to Patrick's and they had very similar facial features. And, Lisbon noticed him periodically glance towards them as well. Despite having decided to act as colleagues for this funeral, Jane reached out and interlaced his fingers with Lisbon's, and gripped her hand tightly. She gently squeezed back, understanding that he didn't want to pretend.

After the service was over, they made their way over to Pete and Roddy. Lisbon offered her condolences, and then held back as Jane spoke with Pete a bit longer. When he returned to Lisbon, he seemed a bit lighter.

"Pete's grateful everybody managed to stay civilized so far, and he said he's looking forward to seeing me later this week," Jane told Lisbon, smiling slightly. His friend's forgiveness meant a lot to him.

"That's good," Lisbon told him, returning his smile.

Something behind Lisbon caught Jane's eye, and his smile faltered. It didn't take long for Lisbon to find out what it was.

"Hello, Patrick," an older, dark-haired woman said softly. She was joined by a taller, grey-haired man. They both looked a bit uneasy.

"Hi Carla, Bill," Jane greeted them with a tight smile. "This is Agent Teresa Lisbon," he added, gesturing towards her.

"Danny spoke very highly of you," Carla Ruskin said, offering Lisbon her hand. _So these must be Angela's parents_, Lisbon shook her hand and gave the soft-spoken woman an affable smile; if nothing else, it seemed like she was genuinely trying to keep everything friendly. Her husband, on the other hand, clearly had reservations.

As if on cue, Bill Ruskin grunted, "Excuse me," and left to go talk to some of the other guests. Jane's tight smile turned to a grimace.

"Don't worry about him, dear," Mrs. Ruskin assured him. "He's…well, he's having a hard time letting go."

"I understand," Jane smiled again, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "How have you been?"

"We're okay. Getting old, but it could be worse. How about you? I know you and Sam were close." Carla's eyes were filled with sympathy.

"Yeah. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I'll be okay. I've got some things to take care of in Sacramento, but then I'll be back here for a while, give Pete a hand with things," Jane replied, glossing over the hell that the last couple of weeks had actually been for him.

"Good for you. I'm sure he could use the help." The older woman paused, looking unsure of herself. She then took a deep breath and spoke rather quickly. "I wanted to thank you both for working so hard to catch Red John. I know you've sacrificed a lot. And I really hope you can be happy now." Her last words were clearly directed at Jane.

Jane answered her with his first real smile all day. "Thank you," he murmured. He let go of Lisbon's hand and embraced his mother-in-law. When he did, she whispered something in his ear that made him colour slightly, but Lisbon couldn't catch what she had said. Whatever it was, it made his eyes shine with happiness.

When they separated, Carla gave him a serious look. "Don't let Bill bother you, okay Patrick? He's grateful too, and he wants you to be happy. He's just having a harder time saying it."

"Thank you, Carla. Really. You take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too, dear. And remember what I said," she told him, giving him a brief pointed look. "It was nice to meet you, Ms. Lisbon," Carla said, turning to the younger woman.

"Call me Teresa, please," Lisbon said kindly. "It was nice to meet you, too."

Carla left to go find her husband in the crowd, and Jane took Lisbon's hand again. "You okay?" She asked him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"She seemed very nice," Lisbon said. It didn't quite jive with what Jane had told her earlier.

"I think it was easier for her to hold a grudge when Angela was alive," Jane mused, reading Lisbon's mind. "She was such a kind woman when we were kids. Kinder than I deserved, always. But she was definitely upset when Angela and I left. I think it was more Bill than her, though. And then, I haven't seen either of them since the funeral, and I can understand if they weren't feeling very forgiving then."

"Well, at least she seems to have come around, even if Bill hasn't. Maybe eventually he will too?"

Jane chuckled. "Maybe. Angela was so much like her mother, and similarly, Danny is a lot like Bill. If Danny could forgive me, maybe eventually Bill will too. I have a feeling that Danny telling his parents that we helped him out made a world of difference."

"What did she whisper to you?" Lisbon asked curiously.

Jane smiled sheepishly. "She told me that it's okay to take off my ring. That Angela would want me to be happy, and that she hopes things work out between you and I."

"Don't take off your ring until you're ready, Patrick," Lisbon said seriously. "I mean it. It doesn't bother me, and I don't want you taking it off until you really feel okay with it."

Jane was touched. "Thanks," he whispered, trying to put all of the gratitude he felt into that one word.

"I'm glad things worked out okay," Lisbon said, squeezing his hand to let him know that she understood.

"Yeah. Maybe we should get going before my father finds us, though. I have a feeling I've used up all of my luck with Pete and Carla," Jane sighed.

"Too late," Lisbon whispered quickly, looking behind Jane. His father was heading straight for them.

Jane closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again.

"Paddy?" His father called out.

Jane turned around slowly. "Hi, dad." He greeted his father cautiously.

"I can't believe you had the nerve to show up." Alex's tone was friendly, quite at odds with his words.

"This is Teresa Lisbon," Jane said, ignoring his father's barb.

"It's nice to meet you," Lisbon said calmly, offering her hand. After a pause, Alex Jane took it. Lisbon noticed that he briefly checked her pulse as he did so.

"You're a cop," he stated.

"Yes," Lisbon confirmed in the same composed tone.

"My son works for you?"

"We work together, yes," Lisbon's subtle correction was deliberate; she had a feeling that Alex Jane wouldn't like the idea of his son working for anyone, let alone a female cop. Jane squeezed her hand briefly, silently thanking her.

"And you're romantically involved," Alex added.

"Yes," Lisbon replied.

"You're pathetic," Alex said, turning to his son. "You still wear your old wedding ring." Lisbon marveled at how his tone could still be so jovial despite his harsh words.

"Yes, I do," Jane said, figuring that Lisbon's straightforward approach seemed to work.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Not really. Not here, anyways," Jane said, and a brief flash of anger crossed his eyes. It was gone almost immediately, replaced by the picture of serenity.

"Well, I hear you'll be spending some time here, why don't you come by and we can talk?" Now, his words were friendly but his tone was threatening. Lisbon was disconcerted by the rapid change.

"Yeah, maybe," Jane said noncommittally. "You'll know where to find me."

"Oh, I'm looking forward to it," Alex grinned, but it wasn't a welcoming smile. "See you then."

He disappeared into the crowd within seconds, and Jane let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he said earnestly, turning to face Lisbon.

"Don't worry about it. Again, it could have been a lot worse," she assured him.

"Yeah. Well, we'll see how things go next time," Jane muttered.

"Maybe it will be good for you to get everything out. I mean, today you were obviously holding back because you didn't want things get out of hand at Sam's funeral, but next time it will be different."

"Yeah. We'll see."

Lisbon could tell that Jane didn't want to talk about it, so she squeezed his hand again. "Do you want to head out?"

"Yes," Jane nodded gratefully. And with that, the two of them began their journey back to Sacramento.


	34. Moving Forward

**Chapter 34 – Moving Forward**

The next four days consisted of a series of funerals. Jane and Lisbon went to every single one. By the end of the last funeral, Hailey Lyle's, they were drained, both mentally and physically. Thankfully, Bertram had given new cases to other teams, to allow them to finish up everything related to Red John.

Despite their best efforts, the team was unable to find proof that Kirkland, Manchester or Partridge had leaked information to Red John, but as Jane had pointed out, it didn't really matter any more. Since identifying Red John's accomplices had become moot, the only thing really to finish up was paperwork. Although it was primarily Lisbon's responsibility as head of the unit, Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby all offered to help out while her and Jane attended funerals. Now, there was just a pile on Lisbon's desk, awaiting her signatures.

Lisbon had told her team to take a vacation, but none of them took her up on it. So, the next day things would be back to normal. A new normal, without Red John in it. It still hadn't sunk in. After all, Red John wasn't a constant part of her life for the past ten years; she was used to periods of time where things were quiet. She wondered if Jane felt the same way, or if his own loss had meant that Red John _was_ a constant part of his life, even when they weren't actively involved.

Lisbon looked through the window of her office to where Jane was lying on his couch. He was leaving the following morning, Lisbon knew, to go see Pete. Jane wasn't sure how long he would be gone for, and the thought made her nervous; she really didn't know when she would see him again. It brought back memories that she would rather forget. _Like Vegas_.

She looked at the pile of papers around her and sighed. They could wait. She wanted to spend as much time with Jane as possible before he left.

Lisbon quickly gathered her things and locked her office door behind her. She took care to walk over to the couch quietly, in case Jane was sleeping, but as she got closer she saw that his eyes were wide open. "Hi, Patrick," she called softly.

"Teresa," he greeted her, happily echoing her use of his given name.

"Do you want to head out?" She asked.

"Is that an offer?" Jane gave her a cheeky smile, happy that she had assumed he would be spending the night with her.

Lisbon blushed slightly, but nodded. "Hey, I'm going to miss you."

Jane studied her expression. "It won't be like Vegas," he promised. "I'll call you every day, if it helps."

Lisbon was secretly glad that he had understood; it's not something she ever would have admitted to him.

"Thanks," Lisbon said. She gave him an appreciative smile. "Shall we go?"

"We shall," Jane sat up and returned her smile. When he stood, he pulled Lisbon into a tight hug. "Thank you for everything. For understanding, for staying with me and not leaving…everything."

Lisbon returned his embrace. "I love you," she murmured.

"I love you too, Teresa."

* * *

Two weeks later, Jane pulled into his driveway in Malibu. Lisbon was already there, waiting outside. Her face lit up upon seeing him.

"Hey Teresa!" Jane greeted her with a warm hug. "Thank you for coming."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," she assured him honestly.

"Let's get started then," Jane decided. He tried to inject confidence into his voice, but it wasn't enough to mask the nervousness.

Lisbon took his hand, and they entered the house together. To her surprise, Jane led her straight upstairs, to the room he had shared with his wife. He paused just outside of the room, no doubt reliving that awful night.

"Patrick?" Lisbon whispered his name, bringing him back to the present. He gave her a grateful look, and opened the door.

They were greeted by the smiley face, painted in Angela and Charlotte's blood. It contrasted sharply with the pale taupe walls. There was a lonely mattress underneath, covered in a pale blue fitted sheet with a single beige pillow on top. The sun was setting, and the light shone through the window directly on the smiley face, as if illuminating the most significant feature of the empty room.

To Lisbon's surprise, Jane didn't go towards the mattress. He pulled her towards the opposite wall, where there was a closet that she hadn't noticed before. Jane pulled it open, revealing a small safety deposit box on the floor. He picked it up, brought it over to the mattress and sat down, gesturing that Lisbon should do the same.

Lisbon followed, and wrapped her arms around him. Then she remembered that this was the room that Jane had shared with his _wife_, and she felt extremely awkward. She pulled away, but kept her hand gently on his forearm. If Jane noticed her discomfort, he didn't show it. He simply twirled in a combination and opened the box.

Inside, there were several documents. Jane pulled out his daughter's birth certificate, his marriage certificate, and two death certificates, followed by his own birth certificate and that of his wife's. Lisbon noticed that they were issued on the same day, a couple of decades after their dates of birth.

Jane reached in amongst the other papers and trinkets and pulled out a small black jewelry box. He opened it to reveal a gold wedding band that matched his own. Jane reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple gold chain. He slid the ring onto it, but didn't close the chain.

Jane paused, then, and squeezed his eyes shut as if he was having an internal struggle. He leaned towards Lisbon and rested his head on her shoulder. She overcame her self-consciousness enough to wrap her arms around him, figuring he needed as much comfort as she could give.

Jane sat like that for a little while, gathering his strength, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. He had Carla Ruskin's blessing, which meant more to him than he could ever say. He wasn't sure if he was ready or not, but just as with the box of Charlotte's things, he knew it would only get harder as time went on.

Slowly, he moved his right hand over to his left and nervously twisted his ring, as he had done so many times before. Still holding the ring on his finger, with his eyes tightly shut, he took a moment to focus on the feeling of Lisbon's arms around him. As always, she calmed him and made him feel safe.

Jane then turned his thoughts to his wife. _Ange, I'm sorry. I'll always love you, and I hope you're okay with this._ He took a deep breath, and pulled the ring off of his finger. He opened his eyes, and with trembling hands he slid it onto the chain alongside its twin.

Lisbon had watched him struggle with this decision, and held him a bit tighter as he let go of the ring. "Here," she murmured. She gently took the chain from him and clasped it around his neck.

"Thanks," he whispered. She could hear the repressed tears in his voice as he fingered his new necklace.

"Any time," Lisbon promised.

"I _am_ okay with this, Teresa. It'll just take some time to get used to," he tried to assure her.

She grinned. "I know, Patrick. Take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

**THE END**

* * *

**Well, that's it! Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed. I hope you like the ending!**


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